The Six of Us

My friend text me today to let me know that she was thinking of me and my family today.  My cousin posted on facebook something very similar.  All I could think was they remember.  Because they care.  Because we matter to them and Dad mattered to them.  I talked to my mom today about something that has been bothering me for months.  Dad died on Halloween but it took the nurse a half hour to get there so time of death was called on November 1 @ 12:15 am.    and here is where the first world problems come in :)  My dad's gravestone shows the first.  My mother stated that she has requested the date to be October 31st but was told that they have to list the official date of death.  Dumb! Anyway as I look over the past year and thing of all the things dad wasn't here for---Marriage, Divorce, Baby, Baptism, World Travels....It makes me sad.  But I know that life must go on.  That although I am sad and really unmotivated t...

A year ago today after a long day at my parent's home I came home to tell the kids my Dad probably would die the next day.  Victoria said, "No he can't die on a holiday."  He didn't listen....But then again his legal death dad would end up being November 1st.   The night was one of the longest of my life.  With dad totally drugged up we slept on the floor in the family room while he was in the living room. It was draining day.  I spent most of the day sitting in the chair in the living room by my dad texting my best friend.  I wouldn't have survived with out her.   It was so hard and I just wanted it all to end but then I didn't want to lose dad. 

There is something about your oldest kid.  I really think they are the one that you make the most mistakes on and the one you are most strict with.  At least I am.  But somehow in the middle of all of our mistakes we got a kid who loves to learn.  A kid who loves to try new things.  A kid who loves to snuggle with babies.  A kid who loves roller coaster.  A kid that when push comes to shove will pick up the slack and do what needs to be done.  A kid who loves to be physical.  He was so disappointed that he couldn't chop wood at his grandfather's house.  We let him some but he had to be supervised.   I love that he would rather be outdoors playing then watching TV.  He is really a great kid.  He has a super sensitive side that he doesn't let many people see.  But it is there.  Jake is really a great kid. 

Kids had a great time this week playing with cousins and meeting new ones this week. There were 11 kids and five in diapers. The oldest one being 11.  I was able for the most part keep my mouth shut.  Although if we would have stayed another day I am not sure that I would have been able to.  Lee and I really discussed how many days we wanted the kids to miss of school.  In the end we felt like in a year it wouldn't matter that they missed four days of school but, they would remember the trip. (we aren't totally unreasonable) We would have stayed through Monday but I had to work today.  There some pretty frustrating moments especially after Lee left.  I so wish he could have stayed.  Kids had caramel apples learned to play Five Crowns (now they want it for Christmas) they did tons of four wheeling, hot tubing and Jake chopped wood.  Not as much as he would have liked.  My father in law and sister in laws went to a cemetery to take some picture...

Coming home yesterday I realized how much I love living in Idaho.  The colors of fall were amazing.  I love that 30 minutes from where we live we are in the mountains.  Then there is the river.  The kids had a great time at their grandpa's house four wheeling, running around the property, playing night games.   It is so gorgeous up there.   Even though I never want to live there it is still a nice place to visit.  Despite having one of the lowest wages in the country in has one of the lowest cost of living as well.  I feel safe with my kids going to school.   It is one of the few places where you can buy a decent home for less then $200k.  Is it perfect?  No but it is where I call home. 

I have been getting on a good night six hours of sleep but it is interrupted on a bad night it is closer to four.  Luke has decided sleeping is something that he longer wants to do at night.  He goes down fine but then at 2 is awake and then things a few hours of being held is ideal and then he will fall back asleep around 4-430.  I have been on the verge of a mental breakdown for the past couple of weeks.  There is other reasons for this besides just lack of sleep but that is making it worse.  Today after my mom's group both boys crashed at the same time and I got a 2.5 hours nap.  It was great.  The only reason I finally got out of bed was because I heard "mom" "mom"  "mooooom" coming from Andrew's crib.  I really could have slept another hour or more.  But I will take what I can get and it was fabulous.  Naps are great. 

I am so glad that my kids get to go to school.  They have had some pretty amazing teachers and support people in their education.  Both kids struggle in their own ways at school but then they both have these amazing strengths that if they embrace the strengths they will be able to go so many places and do so much. Each child has found their place at school.  The place where they fit.  I love them coming home and telling me about this adventure or that one.  I think the kids being in school has made them more aware of other people's differences and the kids have been able to see that not everybody is like our family.  Jake has a little boy in his class this year who is in foster care.  I can't tell Jake but I know the child from when I worked at CPS.  It has been an eye opening experience for Jake to learn not every child lives with their parents.  Victoria went on a field trip today and had so much fun and learned so much.  Jake's GT c...

I wrote for the other days but, I wrote them at work last night and that computer would not let me post.  So I have to copy and paste.  Moving on.... So today we had a bar b q with Lee's cousin.  It was their daughters birthday.  One of his siblings.  It is always nice to Lee's cousins.  We don't see them as much as we would like.  But is usually a good time when we do.  Lee has several cousins who live in a walking distance and and several more who live with in just a few miles.  I have a play date planned for one of his cousin's wife and their two kids on Tuesday.  They are the type of people I could call if I really needed something and I know they would help if they could. But it is more then that.  It is about relationships that go back to when Lee was born.  About relationship that will last forever.  It is about my kids being able to see extended family.  It is late and I didn't word all of this as clearly ...

I love fall it is my favorite season.  I love seeing the mountains all lit up with changing colors.  I love Halloween and Thanksgiving.  Fall shoes and sweaters are nice.  I think it may be time for some retail therapy.   I also enjoy the candles that come out pumpkin spices and such. Today ended badly too much emotion and stress.  Paid off two medical bills which did not lead to stress. Decided to not push paying off debt as quickly as we were planning.  It was unreasonable and there was no way we could maintain it.  But progress is progress.   And I am happy with the way things are going. Disappointed in one of the kids.  Luke still not sleeping well.  Didn't see much of Lee.  But tomorrow is a new day.

Andrew---The kid I had to wait four years for. The kids who spent months in and out of doctors offices and ER's for RSV.  The kid who forced us to get rid of the cat.  The kid who is now talking up a storm and running everywhere.  The kid who loves "helping" me do chores.  He loves running after the big kids and doing everything they do.  Today when we were driving home from Target.  Andrew spotted some cows and calves and he was so excited to watch them run in the field.  Last week we sat in the back yard and watched the farmer behind our house harvest corn.  That is what is great about Andrew.  He loves the little things.  He loves life.  I know it may just be an age thing but I hope and pray that he will always find the little things in life to enjoy.  Because there isn't a whole lot of big things and every day is full of the little things. We love Andrew.  He just have such a special spirit about him.  He cert...

So I was planning on writing about marriage today before the Supreme Court made their decision this morning.   Getting married was one of the best things I ever did.  Despite being young.  I will encourage my children to be much older when they get married then we were.  I say 25 is a good age. Anyway, today is our 14th wedding anniversary.  It has been quite the 14 years.  In 14 years we have lived in two homes.  We have four children. Seven pregnancies. 8 motorcycle trips. We have gone through countless jobs.  We have each lost a parent.  We have accumulated one associates degree, two bachelors and one masters degree.  We have way more student loans then I like to talk about.  I have gone through four cars and Lee two motorcycles although he has only had one car. Marriage hasn't always been easy and there were times when I have been tempted to throw in the towel and spend the rest of my life sitting on the beach somewhere...

So I started this one yesterday changed my mind and came up with something different.  Then today I started writing about something else totally different and then decided to come back to this.  Today after conference we went for a walk.  A walk through the neighborhood into the one across the street to Lee's cousin's house.  It wasn't the first time we did this although it may be the last one of the season.  We walk over the kids play for an hour or two and then we head home.  I like that we live in a closed neighborhood where the kids can ride their bikes around and I feel safe.  I have looked at other homes.  I want something larger with at least one more bedroom.  But I don't want to give up this neighborhood.  I guess my only hope is for one of the bigger houses in the neighborhood to go on the market.  I like the circle we live in.  The kids can run around and there is rarely any cars that come through.  Things m...

It may seem silly to post about working the day after I posted about staying at home.  But at this point I feel like I have the best of both worlds.  I am home all day with the kids and then I go to work for a few hours a few times a week.  Starting in November I will have a more set schedule five days on nine days off.  It will be great. Thanks to my job by the end of October we should have all the medical bills paid off.  By the end of next year all the credit cards will be paid off and Lee's student loans and then in 2016 we will be able to pay off my (huge) student loan.  Also our savings is climbing quickly and I get to go do something and use my brain and education.  Some family members have voiced they think moms should be at home and not work outside the home ever.  I feel very differently.  I feel as though the stars aligned and that God has been directing me to this job for the past five years.  Too many things and too many ins...

Staying at home has been great.  Besides the fact I was pretty sure we couldn't find anybody who could handle Luke full time until he was about six months old I have for the most part enjoyed it.  It is crazy most the time and I have much higher expectations of myself then Lee does.  But some how at the end of the day the kids are alive and the house is still standing and most the time there is dinner on the table.  I have the expectation that it is the role of the stay at home parent to maintain a clean home and cook dinner.  Some days I fail but most days the house is pretty clean.  I love seeing little moments with the little boys and being there to run a forgotten lunch to the older kids.  I love that the kids can do after school things that they weren't able to do before.  And that I am home when they walk through the door after school.  I love that dinner inst so rushed although some nights it is due to soccer and/or dance and/or scou...

Today I am so grateful for MOPS   It has been great for me to step out of my comfort zone and meet people who I never would have met.  People who rally together and help each other out. It is a great way for me twice a month to be me and not be a mom or a wife.  Plus they have amazing topics to learn from.  Today we had a speaker who talked about how to raise kids with healthy body images.  It was so inspiring.  She made some fabulous points about how we need to bring everything back to God.  We need to teach our children they were made by God and that God knows them.  She went on to say that God knows everybody and that everybody was made by God. She also said as mom we need to be grateful for all the things our bodies can do.  How are bodies were made in such a way that we can do great things for and with our children.  The other thing is the boys (especially Andrew) has so much fun playing with other kids.  It is so well organi...

Why start the month out with Luke aka Puke?  Because one year ago today I had an ultrasound that told us Luke was a boy.  I cried.  I went over to my parents and told them and cried some more.  I was so disappointed.  I wanted another girl so badly.  I was bitter the rest of the pregnancy and even months after Luke was born.  I think that had to do some with everything else going on. Luke has been a trial since he was born.  He cried non stop for the first four months or so it seemed.  He wouldn't sleep some nights I was up four to five times with him.  He has so hard to deal with it.   Then one day it slowed down.  He is still the grouchiest out of the four.  But he is getting better.  Then one day I didn't think about how I didn't have two girls any more.  I love my little boys.  I love how Luke laughs at Andrew I love how he is so active and happy during the day. I love how he is adventurous. ...

Maybe it will get better as the years past maybe it won't.  October last year was so difficult.  I was trying to spent as much time with dad as possible while working full time while being pregnant while dealing with three kids.  And two kids who were in baseball and dance at the time. Since my pregnancies come with throwing up all the time the last one came with sciatica it was tough.  And after the horrible October my dad died on the last day of the month.  It didn't seem fair still doesn't  This year I just want to fast forward through it all.  Seems reasonable. So because I am going to need it more then others I am going to every day come up with something I am grateful for in the month of October.  So I am going to try.   Despite all the craziness life has been good to us and after Lee's FHE on being grateful I am going to make an effort. I met Lee for lunch and I told him that I was really emotional today.  His comment "I ...