The Six of Us

Where to start.  I am so frustrated.  Despite me telling somebody at least a dozen times we wouldn't be able to attend a "family event " they text  Lee and asked him.  The event is planned out of state three weeks before my due date.  I won't be able to fly and I can't spend 16 hours in the car.  Plus I am nervous having Lee gone for a whole weekend that close to my due date.  But I didn't plan it and people can be disappointed all they want. Also I am frustrated with how people think they get an opinion on our lives.  If the baby doesn't come before February 13th I will be inducing.  The reasons are my reasons and others don't get to tell me I am doing the wrong thing because I am doing the best thing for our family.  I know the risks and I am willing to take them. Oh well complaining over for now.  The pain killers the doctor gave have done wonders.  I was able to attend most of church and today I was able to work a full day with out having to le

It was a difficult few days laying my dad to rest.  But at the end it was amazing. Lots of talks about my fathers generosity.  His kindness.  Four of his high school friends came into town.  Old employees drove up from twin.  Lee said he had never seen so many flowers at a funeral.  My cousins came from Washington and Phoenix.  My moms siblings were all here except the two in Europe.  Lee was assigned to speak about the plan of salvation which he did by talking all about my dad's kindness to him.   There was laughter when my sisters buried my dad with his gun.  He was probably laughing as well.  The only thing any of us would have changed was the feeling the bishop spoke too long at the end.  But we were still out of the church in an hour. My best friend flew in from Seattle and was so good to us.  She watched Andrew through the viewing and the service because she loves us but also she loved my dad.   I told she could cross attend an LDS funeral off the bucket list.  :).    She

Both Lee and I have been asked to speak on Thursday. Lee has a much harder job then me.  I just have to give a few memories/thoughts on Dad.  Lee has to incorporate the plan of salvation into his talk with out offending and still focusing on Dad.  I am sure it will be fine.  It will all be over soon. Went out shopping today spend way more then I should have but found a great dress to wear.  So glad my friend is here.  She is so amazing and helpful although I wore her out.  I went to the doctors day and left with two prescriptions.  Hope this will help me.  I am at such a loss. Tomorrow is the viewing so ready to have this over. Ready to move on with life.

Normally   I don't like to complain about pregnancy.  But this time I am so ready to be done.  Between throwing up, pain all the time and heart burn I am ready to be done.  This pregnancy has been way more trying then my others.  I haven't really bonded like I have in the past.  Plus emotionally I have struggled.  I don't want four kids I never did.  I was done at three.  I am not ready for the comments.  I am hoping I feel differently when the baby comes. I am pretty sure unless the baby comes early I will induce.  There are so many reasons for this.  I know people disagree but at this point I don't care.

I was fine I felt peace about Dad dying.  He suffered so much the past two months.  Then it hit me and now I am bitter.  I am bitter he will never see his grand child.  Bitter that he won't be here when my kids graduated high school or college.  He won't be there for weddings or missions. Bitter that he was so young.  Bitter he suffered for so long.  Bitter he left my mom alone.    Bitter he won't attend another sporting event for my kids or another grandparent day at school.

After reading several articles saying I wasn't a true Christian if I took my kids trick or treating I was more determined to go.  Yea I  am like that.  After spending the past two days at my parents house I felt my kids needed me more then my parents.  So after some last minute shopping on my way home I dressed up the kids took some pictures and Lee and I headed out.  About three houses in we met up with lees cousin and his two kids.  We went around the neighborhood and then Curt took the four kids to his neighborhood and Lee walked me and the baby home.  Then Lee joined them. At 945 a call comes in saying dad was slipping quickly.  My thought was I would finish watching a show with Lee and then head over to my parents.  I fell asleep watching the show and at 1145 the phone rings to say dad died at 1145.Victoria was very insistent nobody can die on holidays.  The kids still don't know I will tell them in the morning.  They knew grandpa was probably not going to make it throug