The Six of Us

I am stealing this from a blog I stalk.  Truth Tuesdays.   Graduation is stressing me out.  Well my family is stressing me out regarding graduation. I am excited it is an ALL day event. I am kind of glad that we only have two kids. I am sad Jake has a loose tooth. I am a little sad our baby is going to kindergarten this year. I am not always truthful when people ask about having another child.  Okay I am rarely truthful. Lee;s extended family is crazy and I love most of  them.  Even though I have been married over a decade I still struggle with certain family members. I love having Tuesdays off.  Although ten hour days are hard. I love my job at the hospital more then my other job.  Good thing the hospital pays more.

Mixed emotions day.  Struggling with the fact with what we wanted to happen at the end of the year won't happen.  Church made it worse and then made it better.  Our class was better then normal in part because a few of the kids were out of various reasons.  Then a person said something that was really what I needed to hear.  I am not ready to start the week.  There was a crisis at work on Thursday and I am going to have to face the consequences of it on Monday.  Good thing is a good deal of my co-workers are out and I can get a ton of work done including packing my office up. The first two chapters of my thesis are due on Friday.  I feel like Chapter One isn't even close to where it needs to be.  I have four nights and five days to work on it.  Then I will be all done with this semester.  I am ready to be done.  Victoria's birthday party is on Saturday and then I need to get my graduations announcements done and in the mail.  I have a grand idea of doing them myself. Lee

I did something super dumb today.  One of those things where you walk away thinking..Why did I do that?  Somebody (me) could have really gotten hurt.  It seemed like such a good idea at the time.  Maybe if we would have gotten a second opinion then things would have turned out much differently.  Maybe they would have turned out worse.  After that experience I am more certain then  ever I need to graduate and find a different job.  I learned today that if a 15 year old boy tries to kick out a back window of a car he can in fact jam the door into the driver's door so the driver's door no longer opens.  I am sure that Management is going to be super happy about that.  We did get to see Victoria dance class today.  We only get to go three times a year.  She is doing the cutest dance for the recital.  I am getting excited to see her on stage.  Her teacher is so amazing. Jake has a loose tooth and is getting molars.  I am sad they are growing ups so fast although I enjoy it.  

I sometimes wonder is it better to tell the truth or to remain silent and let people assume.  I have been thinking about this a lot lately and I am not sure really what the answer is.  Some people are just far more open with their struggles.  Anyway.... We spent the day shopping.  A bike for Missy Kay and roller blades for Jake and Lee.  Plus safety gear.  We were in East Boise and I was thinking a ride to Idaho City would have been nice but the kids wanted to get home and try out their new toys.  Okay so did Lee.  We are still searching for bikes for Lee and I.  We were able to do some hiking today as well.  I am glad for Daylight Savings I love the light at night.  Although it had proven harder to get the kids in bed on time.  There is still so many unknowns that I am struggling with.  I wish I was more go with the flow like my husband.  I am working on it.  We are still debating summer plans.  Lee got a huge guilt trip about one of the plans.  I am really frustrated about it. 

Twice in 24 hours I got asked if I would do it again.  It was regarding two different major life events.  Would I?  Depends on the day.  My favorite quote use to be no regrets.  I am who I am because of every choice I made.  I am here because all of my previous experiences have led me here. It has been a long short week.  I worked at the hospital Tuesday and my mom had surgery Tuesday so I have been at the hospital every day.  Plus I was on call two days.  There is the whole school thing and the kids and Lee. Things are going well but busy.  I am ready for a break.  Two weeks from today!!!! 

If something does not happen this week it will not happen until next year.  Disappointing but not really shocking. So I bought a book.  It has been such a help to me. The book offers so much insight and laughter into what has been going on with me.  Really a book I wish I would have found a year ago.  My mom had a 6 hour surgery today.  She is hoping to be home Friday but I am not so sure.  The hospital went well today.  If I could work there part time I would. I could work there 30 hours a week and still make the same as I do in a 40 hour a week job with the state. The money I made today will help with something I am sure.  Not sure if we would save it or use it for vacation or put it towards debt.   Or some mix of the three.   As I was chatting with a family member today I was reminded just how crazy the family I married into is.  I was also reminded how glad I am for my two children. I should be in bed. Daylight Savings messed me up a bit and I keep staying up later and late

Out of the blue sometimes it hits me.  It was two years ago this month I miscarriage. The due date was in October.  I would have had a year and half year old running around here. Sometimes I think about it and think there is no way I could do that again.  18 month old children are so full of energy well mine were.  Which is a good thing.  It means they are healthy and active.  But it is hard because of the constant supervision.    Even though it has been two years I still struggle with certain family members because of that night.  I struggle with the lack of support.  I slid into a dark place and I felt as though I was alone.  People around me would say the dumbest things.  All I could think was really?  Somebody trying to help ( I think) said something that still to this day I found so clueless that it bothers me still.  There were people who I thought should have been there but never were.  But those same people who did not support me and my family when we needed them most still are

Too stressed and anxious to sleep.  Questions in my mind.  What if it goes well?  Could I really come back to this place?  What would we do?  What would I do?  Could the kids handle it?  Could I handle it?  It could be worse.  It isn't too far.  Doctors? Dance class? Soccer?  Could I really do it?  Is it better then the unknown?  We would not be alone.  Questions with no answers at this point.  Just a lot of what if.  Lee doesn't like what ifs.  Deal with it when we get there.  If we never get there all the worries were for nothing.  Wishing I could be more like that. 

Mormons in general don't observe Lent.  I had a discussion about this with some friends and there were several ideas on why this is. The reasons why have nothing to do with the  the point of this blog so I won't into them.. I have never observed Lent before because of my first statement.  But this year  I have decided to take the next 40 days (starting Wednesday) and give up a vice and add a virtue to my life.  It is my hope that after these next forty days I will have a closer relationship with God.  Actually my vice will be replaced with something good and my virtue will be something new.  I haven't decided if I will blog about it or not but I think it will be a nice way to go into Easter.  We have so much going on in our lives that I need to slow down.  I need to realize that life is meant for living not about getting to the next milestone.  It isn't about graduation or Lee finding a job or Victoria starting school or Jake's baseball.  It is about everything in

One of those days. Lee is recovering from a sinus infection I have been sick for days.  Jake is feeling a little under the weather so we skipped church in an effort to get every body feeling better before the crazy week begins.  I can always tell when I am sick because my body craves healthy food.  No soda or meats but fruits and veggies.  Lee went to the store today to get some healthy food and I made a fruit smoothy. 100% fruit.  I have started having them for breakfast every morning I am home.  Jake loves them.   Plus I got to use the juicer which was super cool.  I am hoping a good night sleep will make me feel better.  I decided that we needed some fresh air today so we went to feed the ducks on the greenbelt.  Now I am off to take a warm bath and sleep for a good eight hours.  Hopefully that will help the stomach pain.

Tonight I was going to go to a church function.  But I ended up sick. Jake was sick as well so he curled up with me and watch Cake Boss.  If I didn't have to teach tomorrow I would probably not even go to church.  Depending on how tomorrow goes I may send Lee solo. We will see.  I just found out that our taxes were denied.  Either because I type in my kids social wrong or my w-2 was wrong. I thought I was half done with the chapter two which is due on Friday.  Turns out the professor wants 20 pages.  Which means Monday, Wednesday I will be in the computer lab.  I am thinking that when everybody is asleep I will be doing some homework in the business center at the hotel.   I have the information I just need to get into the paper.  It is a rough draft that if I can get written in the format it should be then I should be able to at least get a passing grade out of it.   Now that I am I home on Saturdays then the house is getting cleaner.  Every Saturday the kids get up and we do an

So not surprising but still disappointing is how I would describe today.  Things aren't getting better.  I am so hurt by the whole situation and I think others are too.  I am just so ready to be done with all of it.  I sometimes wish I could just cut off contact with certain people.  Somebody asked how I was doing and then moments later left the conversation.  If you really cared you have have lasted more then 30 seconds after my response.  You would know part of the issue was you.  But you don't know or care because everything is all about you.  It has been the same things for years.  I am figuring out that people never change.  Never really change.  Sure they can fake it for a while but after a while they go back to who they really are.  I wish I could stop thinking there is really something out there.  Stop thinking there is somebody out there.  It is all so complicated and hard to explain.  How do I explain that the issue is mine not yours with out hurting feelings.  With o

I want to start this post by saying I do not follow college sports.  Well I follow Notre Dame football.  So when I found out that one of BYU basketball players was out for the season my first and only thought about this was "Who Cares?"  How is it national news that this kid is going to get kick out of BYU?  Really?  People are being killed in a war in Iraq.  Tanks are running people over in Lybia. Three babies under the age of 18 months were in foster care in our region  in the past 30 days for broken bones.  One had two broken bones and one had 13 bones broke. Plus we had a few shaken babies and a few other unmentionables.  I don't care that some kid had sex or a beer or whatever it is that is going to make him leave BYU.  A few of my friends were posting about it on FB.  I had no clue about it until I Googled him.   If he is forced to leave he will probably just end up at another university. 

What I learned today... 1) Fingers don't like being stuck in hot oil 2) We have two amazing talented kids 3) Even if kids have a no good horrible day, a good night's sleep will usually bring back a good day 4) Going more then two days in hearing from a friend makes my mind wander to worst possible situation 5) I love salad 6) My husband is super amazing 7) I am going to graduate 8) It doesn't matter where we go as long as we go as a family 9)  I love grad school 10) The world does not revolve around me.   11) I should be doing homework.  :)

Waiting is not something I do well.  Or even pretend to do well.  I got a letter today stating I am cleared for graduation ceremonies on May 7th.  Although it may be a good six months before I get my diploma.  I have asked for special consideration.  I still haven't gotten a response to my email.  Okay so I send it yesterday. I know the professors meet on Mondays so it could be a full week before I get a response.  Really it won't matter for the next few months anyway.  Lee is back in Utah next week and I am hoping the kids and I can go.  If not then the kids and I will be chilling at home.  I am on call on Wednesday so if I can't get it switched then I am going to stay home and hope my parent's aren't at their cabin if I get called out.  I really shouldn't complain.  I haven't been on call since December.  Although Utah is not where I would live given the choice if it means more time with the kids I would do it.  I was reading somebody's blog and I

Sometimes I just wonder why people do what they do.  I won't go into details but some people honestly drive me crazy because they don't think before they act. It isn't like they are trying to be mean I just think they are self-absorbed.  They don't think about others. Today was just one of those days.  It was a struggle at work to accomplish anything.  But I did get some things done.  I really feel as though I got put in the middle of something between another state and the foster parents.  I agreed with the foster parents but I couldn't tell them what to do.  The foster parents ended up making the decision that I preferred.  I think there are going to be some very mad people tomorrow but oh well I will deal with it on Wednesday. Tuesday... I love having Tuesdays off.  Today I am going to the post office and doing some cleaning.   I might even get a few chapters of new book read. Plus I ended up not being able to go to campus yesterday due to an oncall issue so