So not surprising but still disappointing is how I would describe today. Things aren't getting better. I am so hurt by the whole situation and I think others are too. I am just so ready to be done with all of it. I sometimes wish I could just cut off contact with certain people. Somebody asked how I was doing and then moments later left the conversation. If you really cared you have have lasted more then 30 seconds after my response. You would know part of the issue was you. But you don't know or care because everything is all about you. It has been the same things for years. I am figuring out that people never change. Never really change. Sure they can fake it for a while but after a while they go back to who they really are. I wish I could stop thinking there is really something out there. Stop thinking there is somebody out there. It is all so complicated and hard to explain. How do I explain that the issue is mine not yours with out hurting feelings. With out sounding like a total brat. I really want to move on but then what?
Words can not expressed the range of emotions I am feeling at the moment. One week ago we had it all planned out. Then Covid happened. And the whole world was suddenly on hold. Kids had school Monday but then have been out for ten days and are scheduled to return on the 20th of April. However most people think that is unlikely. My heart is breaking for graduating seniors. We cancelled our trip to Zion which may have happened any way because it was calling for snow. I hope we will rise from this stronger but right now I feel like curling up in a ball and crying. Lee now has work at home options since we have not been put on "lockdown" at this point although several other areas and cities across the county including a few in Idaho have been. I try and look for the good. Healthy kids, good weather, lots of projects we put off being completed. But some moments it feels like we are missing on so much. We did church at ho...
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