So not surprising but still disappointing is how I would describe today. Things aren't getting better. I am so hurt by the whole situation and I think others are too. I am just so ready to be done with all of it. I sometimes wish I could just cut off contact with certain people. Somebody asked how I was doing and then moments later left the conversation. If you really cared you have have lasted more then 30 seconds after my response. You would know part of the issue was you. But you don't know or care because everything is all about you. It has been the same things for years. I am figuring out that people never change. Never really change. Sure they can fake it for a while but after a while they go back to who they really are. I wish I could stop thinking there is really something out there. Stop thinking there is somebody out there. It is all so complicated and hard to explain. How do I explain that the issue is mine not yours with out hurting feelings. With out sounding like a total brat. I really want to move on but then what?
Right now I am feeling all the feels. We had such a great week with my nephew and Jake. The house is louder and has more enegy when all four kids are home. And our nephew is seriously one of favoriate people. He lets the boys hand on him and they just look up to him so muchd. So I am writting because I am not sure what else to do at this pount. I have been applying for a job(s) that I have been inspired to do for a long time. I have been really trying to to step upside of my comfort zone and apply for things that I know I can do although I have never done them before. I have been considering doing some writing and writing a book. I have no desire to be published I just want to be able to start being more creative . I have so many fears about so many things. Missy Kay turned 19 today and Andrew had his first tennis meet of the seaon. I am thankful for my people who show up to support and love us. There was this moment at the meet where one of the parents gave me haug aft...
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