Skip to main content

Rough Week

My mom was in the hosptial again for five days ands was relaized on Christmas day. It has been a hard week. Once released she hasn't been able to be left alone because she is weak. Today was the worse day since she has been out of the hopsital. We are all tired and exauseted. I will be here for the next two nights. My mind is spinning and I am very whelmed. I feel like a shell of a person. Lee was gone all weekend and yesterday I drove to Burley and got our two nephews. I feel like a horrible aunt not being there. But the real question is do the boys even missed me??? Jake and Victoria move tomorrow. Seems so final. Iw ant to redo Victoria's room. I feel pulled like I need to be here with my mom as she iunsafe and then IU can't be at home cleaning. I thought we were over my mom needing 24/7 care. I don't mind being here she has been there so much for me. It is stressful wondering if she is going to fall and if she does what will that look like. I want to be home sleeping curled up with a book. I am trying to decided if I am going to Eastern Idaho because it is all so much I am having thoughts of the world would be better with out me. I am not sucidal but can I just be done. I feel unloved and like a nobody in some areas of my life. I started this on 12/28 and now on 1/7 I will finish it. Okay things have settled down some. Thanks to my aunt doing research we figured out what was causing my mom to get so sick and with some diet changes she is doing much better. We are no longer staying every night at the house but we are stopping by several times a day between my sister and I. I am pretty sure 2026 will have two major deaths in it this year. Maybe that is just me. Victoria with out prompting told me she thought my mom would die this year. I told her agree. I did go to Eastern Idaho. I didn't want to and I had committed to drive Victoria back on the 1st. It is weird to be in somebody's house who never talks to you and even stranger beiing in somebody's house to celebrate the new year and the house is making you sick so you have to leave. All in all nobody died but it was not the most plesant of experiences.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Feeling all the Feels

Right now I am feeling all the feels. We had such a great week with my nephew and Jake. The house is louder and has more enegy when all four kids are home. And our nephew is seriously one of favoriate people. He lets the boys hand on him and they just look up to him so muchd. So I am writting because I am not sure what else to do at this pount. I have been applying for a job(s) that I have been inspired to do for a long time. I have been really trying to to step upside of my comfort zone and apply for things that I know I can do although I have never done them before. I have been considering doing some writing and writing a book. I have no desire to be published I just want to be able to start being more creative . I have so many fears about so many things. Missy Kay turned 19 today and Andrew had his first tennis meet of the seaon. I am thankful for my people who show up to support and love us. There was this moment at the meet where one of the parents gave me haug aft...
Post a Comment
Read more

Time to dust this off

L:ong story short I came across something that made we want to add back to this. Not sure why but hwere we go. Life is constantly chaning and I feel so mnuch surround bu death lately. Not diredctly although I fee like that is coming but more just heartbreak for so many around me. Yesterday Victoria quailfied for state. It was an answer to a prayer. I prayed she would qualify and felt strongly she would. As we left her away at the meet she was certain as were we that she hadn't qualified and then the clouds parted and she will be able to run. She told me she prayed that she would have a good last high school race. and her last race was not grea. There were tears. And rears when she called me to tell me she qualified. So rad trip to ther side of teh state next weekend Wednesday Jake is going through the temple. So many mixed feelings for so many reasons. I shouldn't expect people to show up but sometimes it is just so hard when my mom is the only "church...
Post a Comment
Read more

LOCK DOWN

The governor came out on Wednesday and ordered a lock down.  It seems like a good idea and will not changed our lives all that much.  We did decided that we would only go to the grocery store once a week we went last Friday.  We will go tomorrow which means it will be nine days.  Kids haven't been in a store in weeks.  Lots of time in the garden and working on yard projects.  It has been good and bad.  More family time and less running around.  But lack of structure over the past two weeks has been tough.  Tomorrow would be the day the kids start back to school.  It is likely they won't be going back at all this year.  Victoria will be the most effected.  No eighth grade graduation likely   The school could decide to bring back just eighth and 12th graders.  Either way they are all out until 4/20.  "distance learning" will start for the kids on 4/13.  Which is another reason I think they will end the schoo...
Post a Comment
Read more