The Six of Us

I spent 2015 focusing on me.  Getting me healthier emotionally, physically and mentally.  After years of being drained with graduate school, three miscarriages, two kids in a less then 18 months in addition to the two I already had, dad's battle with cancer and then losing the battle.  Then there was a collicly baby.  Nearly a decade of CPS.  I wasn't healthy in so many ways. This year in some ways was hard.  Really hard.  Luke getting ran over and the strain it was on the family was the hardest thing.  But in most ways this year  was amazing.  By focusing on me and my needs I was better able to meet the needs of others.  But the year was not with out battle scars.  It was not with out pain and some huge growing experiences.  But at the end of 2015 I am mentally in such a better place.  I am physically stronger then I have been in years.  I have a better relationship with my kids and spouse.  I have focuse...

Friday the 18th was such a crazy crazy day.  Lee, Luke and I went to Andrew's preschool Christmas program.  It was Step by Step and so much fun.  Then the little boys and I headed to the school to watch the kids sing.  They walked around to different class rooms and sang Christmas songs.  I am just so so glad that Choir is over.  We had to take the kids three days a week since Thanksgiving.  It was hard but it totally paid off.  Then we had a dentist appointment for the three older kids.  It was Andrew's first appointment and he had so much fun he keeps asking to go back to the dentist.  Then we came back home and since it was Lee's last day of work he had left early.  We were home less then an hour and then headed to  my work Christmas party.  We took the older kids but decided not to take the little boys and I think that plan worked out well.  The following day we had our final indoor soccer game.  Four ...

For the past five and half years since Lee graduated he has either be unemployed or under employed.While we were grateful for the job he had  Lee wasn't doing real accounting.  Today that all ended.  Lee was offered a job that will pay more then what is making now and he will be doing "real" accounting.   With his raise and my new job we should be able to make some traction on our debt.  I figured out a rough budget based on what I think Lee will be bringing home and did some rearranging of who pays what bills and I am feeling so blessed.  We are so thrilled with the opportunity we have been given and I don't want to waste the "extra" money. Lee starts the 22nd.  His last day at Mirco100 will be the 18th.  Worked out well he doesn't have to work his birthday. My new job is on hold due to BHU HR.  For some reason the paperwork stalled there.  Everybody else has signed off and is in agreement. My soon to be new boss is getting frustrated...

I am listening to a podcast and the girl being interviewed says "we were told there are only two stories but in reality there are so many more then that" It is so true.  There isn't just a leave or stay story.  There are so many stories in between.   I once again find myself asking myself if I should stay or go.  Do I stay in a religion that I constant find myself struggling to be a part of? That I struggle to believe in. I feel so alone.  The only one person who listens to my issues to my confusion has never been where I am.  They have never been part of a religion where they don't fit in. Where I feel as though I don't matter where I am not allowed to say what I truly think.   Do I keep going through the motions?  I feel so conflicted.  Mormonism isn't just a religion where you show up SUNDAY.  It is a way of life.  It effects every single part of my life.  I enjoy so many parts of Mormonism.  I enjoy the sen...

Thanksgiving break came and went. We had a cousin sleepover, watched Christmas Movies, watched Victoria dance at the festival of Trees.  Lee and I had a date night. I got a root canal and turned another year older.  Victoria spend Black Friday and part of Saturday.  We ended up with some good deals on clothes and finally found a dress we could both agree on. There were lots of good times and I worked the last three days. Two of the last days I worked both jobs.  Lee and I decided at this time I should say yes to all the extra shifts that I can.  Which means I just picked up another one for February.  Maybe two.   I really missed the older kids today.  The house was all too quiet.  I only have one more day of this schedule and then I have the next nine days off.  I leave Friday for the weekend.  So happy to soak up some sun since due to the inversion it will be 15 below tonight. Then hopefully next week we will be ab...