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There are more stories then two

I am listening to a podcast and the girl being interviewed says "we were told there are only two stories but in reality there are so many more then that"

It is so true.  There isn't just a leave or stay story.  There are so many stories in between.  

I once again find myself asking myself if I should stay or go.  Do I stay in a religion that I constant find myself struggling to be a part of? That I struggle to believe in. I feel so alone.  The only one person who listens to my issues to my confusion has never been where I am.  They have never been part of a religion where they don't fit in. Where I feel as though I don't matter where I am not allowed to say what I truly think.  

Do I keep going through the motions?  I feel so conflicted.  Mormonism isn't just a religion where you show up SUNDAY.  It is a way of life.  It effects every single part of my life.  I enjoy so many parts of Mormonism.  I enjoy the sense of community I love how it gives me a way to serve others.  I love how it gives my kids the sense of belonging.  I do struggle with the sense of inequality between genders.  I wish there was somebody who would reach out and be willing to discuss with me without judging without wanting to change my mind that they just listen and hear me out.  

I will always advocate for equality I will advocate for acceptance.  I want to believe I want to be able to accept what is said over the pulpit without having a pit in my stomach. I want to be able to go to the temple without having major anxiety.

I have spent hours praying and searching scriptures for clarifying answers but they don't come.  I feel broken.  I know people would prefer if I left.  People have told me that.  Oh how I wish it was that easy I wish at times I could walk away but I can't and I won't at least not now.  





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