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Usually I am okay, but sometimes....

Usually on a day to day basis I am fine.  I don't think about the pregnancies I lost.  However, every once in a while it hits me like a ton of bricks.  My first miscarriage was in March I had a due date of around the middle of October.  A woman in my ward was expecting the same time with a due date with in a few days of mine.  She is my friend on Facebook and on Friday she posted about her son's sixth birthday. Their older kids are close to the same age as my kids.  It still makes me a little sad that we don't have a six year old running around.  I would have probably stopped with three and all my kids would be in school now.

I love my kids but sometimes it seems so unfair we had to wait so long for Andrew.  I am grateful for the way things played out usually....but sometimes  waiting those four years and knowing what could have been is hard. 

Maybe it doesn't help that my sister had a baby last week and now I want another one but not really.  I don;t want sleepless night or three long years where the child is in diapers and can't have a conversation.  I am glad we are moving out of the baby stage. 

Tomorrow is a new day where I will try not to lose my mind. 

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