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Dying changes everything almost dying changes nothing

One of my friends text me everything happens for a reason.  I so disagree.  Usually I can find some reason but there is no reason why my little Duke should have been pined under his grandmother's car.  I am still struggling with it.  I am not the only one.  He still won't put any real weight on his right foot.  Today was the first day with out meds. Scabs are falling off , right foot is still missing half the skin.    I had a revelation about what happened that night I feel like I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Dukes grandparents on the other side were there.  I see it in my mind so vividly how they intervened.  It is crazy.  It isn't just something I made up in my mind but it is like I was there watching it happen.

It has been a tough week emotionally but somehow life goes on.  We contacted our insurance who will be taking care of the medical portion of the bills. So glad I no longer have to worry about that.  We will right the other portion out later.

I haven't ran at all since I went to salt lake.  Not sure when I will.  I am leaving Friday for Phoenix a weekend away from the kids and Lee.   I am nervous about leaving them again.   But my friends need me and I need her.  I need time away from kids from Lee.

I am emotionally drained.


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