You will never get it...

It took nearly a year to get to where I am. I still struggle with certain things and I have only opened up to one person in real life and several on the internet. It is a very lonley path to go down especially with nobody to go down the road with you.

I don't think there is anything wrong with questions if those questions have the intent of learning more. Which is all I was trying to do. I am still questioning still wandering but for now here we are. For now we are doing what we are doing although sometimes it seems like we are going through the motions.

I am not bitter although I would have done things way differently. I wish I had somebody to open up to in real life. But there just isn't.

Comments

Feeling all the Feels

Right now I am feeling all the feels. We had such a great week with my nephew and Jake. The house is louder and has more enegy when all four kids are home. And our nephew is seriously one of favoriate people. He lets the boys hand on him and they just look up to him so muchd. So I am writting because I am not sure what else to do at this pount. I have been applying for a job(s) that I have been inspired to do for a long time. I have been really trying to to step upside of my comfort zone and apply for things that I know I can do although I have never done them before. I have been considering doing some writing and writing a book. I have no desire to be published I just want to be able to start being more creative . I have so many fears about so many things. Missy Kay turned 19 today and Andrew had his first tennis meet of the seaon. I am thankful for my people who show up to support and love us. There was this moment at the meet where one of the parents gave me haug aft...

Time to dust this off

L:ong story short I came across something that made we want to add back to this. Not sure why but hwere we go. Life is constantly chaning and I feel so mnuch surround bu death lately. Not diredctly although I fee like that is coming but more just heartbreak for so many around me. Yesterday Victoria quailfied for state. It was an answer to a prayer. I prayed she would qualify and felt strongly she would. As we left her away at the meet she was certain as were we that she hadn't qualified and then the clouds parted and she will be able to run. She told me she prayed that she would have a good last high school race. and her last race was not grea. There were tears. And rears when she called me to tell me she qualified. So rad trip to ther side of teh state next weekend Wednesday Jake is going through the temple. So many mixed feelings for so many reasons. I shouldn't expect people to show up but sometimes it is just so hard when my mom is the only "church...

LOCK DOWN

The governor came out on Wednesday and ordered a lock down. It seems like a good idea and will not changed our lives all that much. We did decided that we would only go to the grocery store once a week we went last Friday. We will go tomorrow which means it will be nine days. Kids haven't been in a store in weeks. Lots of time in the garden and working on yard projects. It has been good and bad. More family time and less running around. But lack of structure over the past two weeks has been tough. Tomorrow would be the day the kids start back to school. It is likely they won't be going back at all this year. Victoria will be the most effected. No eighth grade graduation likely The school could decide to bring back just eighth and 12th graders. Either way they are all out until 4/20. "distance learning" will start for the kids on 4/13. Which is another reason I think they will end the schoo...

The Six of Us

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