The Six of Us

Good news in previous post.  Bad news is work is spinning out of control.  This week four people will leave the department. .  Two were fired and two are leaving on their own accord.  Morale is horrible.  I have a few days to get everything done that I need to before I leave for a week.  This is also the last week of school. So I need to complete my thesis and do some posterboard.  I am waiting for the letter from NNU so I can complete my comp exam.  I am really frustrated with them right now.  Anyway camping at Bear Lake should be a blast.  Some things about the trip are stressing me out but it should all work out.  Anway....because of some things that have come out this week I have had to do some soul searching.  I have decided that the reason I thought I was struggling isn't really why I am struggling.  I am mad because somebody I thought had high standards really didn't and people who should have stood up for what wa...

I passed  I passed....Now I just need a degree and then the job searching begins.  I passed I passed my LMSW exam.  YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am hoping by putting it on here then I will actually do it 1) Find Letter 2) Ethics 3) Make Laundry soap 4) Clean house 5) Primary Lesson 6) Study for Exam 7) Count Change 8) Grocery Shop

Whether or not I get my degree now hangs in limbo.  I will get it i know I will.  I guess it would have been more appropriate to say when I get my degree is up to a few professors who feel as though I did not do what I suppose to do.  I am so upset about it.  But there is another student in the same boat as me.  My mom had surgery yesterday.  She is in quite a bit of pain.  My dad had to leave town so she is home alone at least until my sister gets there. We went over not sure how much help we were.  The kids were grouchy.   This is the second surgery in four months. Now I am throwing up.  Hope I didn't give whatever I have to my mom.  Although that isn't possible. I need to feel better so Utah won't be so rough.  Camping and throwing up seems way too much.  Lee and I reached an agreement on some events in Utah.  He is so amazing. He won't push me and I won't whine.  :)  I am so looking forward to Utah. ...

I am sitting in a hotel in Wyoming.  Waiting for my co-worker so we can go eat.  Tomorrow we head home it will be a 12-14 hour drive.  Today we are going to meet with social workers and therapists to get this kid all the services he can get.  As I left the foster parents' home on Saturday morning I felt as though maybe we had made a wrong decision.  The child had been in the home nearly 2  years and she had been through so much with him.  In the end because of her choices and because of the department the child was moved to Wyoming.  The best decision we could have made.  The child just fits in that home.  It was perfect for him. I am still waiting to find out if I have passed my exam from Tuesday.  I have another exam a week from today.  That one is just as important as the one I just took.  I am looking forward to being done with school and now I am looking forward to learning for fun.  I am thinking about a cooki...

As a social worker I thought this book would be more about how to help people who are dealing with eating disorders.  However, it was more of a self help book.  I do not have an eating disorder so I felt the book was not really directed for me.  However, I am an emotional eater.  The book made me take a look at how and why I eat.  The book was not written really great although it did make some good points.  The book had "homework" for people which made be helpful for some of my clients who are struggling with an eating disorder.  Not a horrible book just not for me.  Book review for: Hope, Help and Healing for Eating Disorders by Gregory L Jantz

I need Lee to say enough is enough.  I need him to tell me that maybe just maybe I should not comment.  Maybe I should not get in that discussion.  Although I am right.  Good night.  Tomorrow a 12 hour drive to Wyoming.  Although we may stop in Montana for the night.  I am going to miss the kids and Lee.  Four days away.  Four days in a hotel relaxing sort of. 

In about 12 hours I will make the biggest presentation of my life. In 40 minutes I need to prove to three professors I know something about being a master level social worker.  I need them to know that I have learned something in the past two years and two months.  I need them to know I am capable.  I need this to get a piece of paper to get another piece of paper which will move my life forward.  At least my career forward.  I know what I want to do and I need to have the licensing and the degree to do it.  Add to this stress two more major stresses.  This week is super busy.  I work six days.  I am leaving town Saturday for Wyoming.  Not a fun trip but it will give me time to catch up on homework.  Jake has an appointment with a neurologist.  We will need to pay for it all out of pocket.  After the doctor we are going to the water park for the day. Friday I have class and I will need to pack.

As a person who deals with adoptions every day of my working life I am shocked by how a specific adoption agency handles birth fathers. According to tsate law in a certain state a mother can terminate her rights and place the child for adoption with out the father even knowing.  The state laws are so in favor of the birth mom that this agency will have birth moms move to said state and deliver there so the agency does not have to put forth any effort to find the father.  I am livid about it.  If a father wants to raise his child he should have that right.  I think it is totally unfair that a father has to prove he is fit to raise a child but the mother doesn't.    I really think fathers are no consider important which just makes me mad and annoyed.  Even by an agency which preaches it is about families.  I think the agency likes the state laws because it makes adoptions easier.  If we ever move to this state I think I am take it upon myself...

I could write about what happened over the weekend. But I will focus on the positive.  The kids had a great time and they now have a new good friend.   When we go to Hawaii they will have a friend to play with.  What ever feelings I have beyond that doesn't matter.  I miss my kids!!  I won't see them until Friday. I won't see Lee until Saturday and I can't talk to him due to some things that are going on.  I am thinking I am be a little co-dependent although that is a post for a whole another day. 

A year ago today we had canceled our plans to go to Kamiah for the holiday.  A year ago today my husband was nearly bedridden and could not stand for more then 2 minutes.  A year ago today my in-laws changed their plans to come help us.  A year ago today we were uncertain.  A year ago today we were lighting off fireworks in our circle with Lee's niece.  A year ago today life was a little rocky.  Today Lee is in Canada for a motorcycle trip.  Today we were over to some friends to watch fireworks.  Today we are in Kamiah.  Today I need to finish my paper.  Today I need to pack and head home.  Today I need to see my best friend.  Today life is still uncertain. 

So I have been up here in Kamiah for about 30 hours.  I took the girls on three four wheeling trips, we played hide and go seek in the cemetary went into a church I have never seen before. We said good bye to Lee and Chris.  We went to town, ate too much  sat on the deck not long enough.  The kids spent time in the pool.  We tie dyed and over all have had a great time.  My mother in laws grandson is here and Lee's niece has all but moved in to the house.  So there are four kids two girls and two boys so it is working out very well. There has been card games.  That is where I get the family news.  Engagements, divorces, non-divorces and lawsuits.  People who are really struggling in their marriage. I won't be hearing from Lee for several days.  Stupid Canada.  Tomorrow is church and I am not sure if I am going.  The thought of dragging the kids there is overwhelming at best.

I love T-Ball.  I love that every kid gets to hit.  I love how everybody cheers for everybody.  I love that the coaches are unpaid and are really about teaching he kids how to play.  I love that there is no scores.  I love that the parents step up and help out with being base and hitting coaches.  I love how the parents know all the kids names and cheer for them by name.  I LOVE T-Ball.  I am a little sad this is Jake's last year.