The Six of Us

I finally got the last of the invites done.  Just one more week. I have the feeling I am being used.  Lee feels the same way so it isn't of those crazy me moments.  They more I think about it the more it is driving me insane.  I am not even sure that I can be nice about it.  I am sure that outsiders would say this is a irrational thought process.  I need to check in with my rational friends and family to gain a better perspective.  I was invited to a baptism on Saturday night for one of my favorite former foster girls.  I just adore these three girls but it is 45 minutes away and Lee is home only on the weekends it is such a hard call.  I think I will see how the day goes before making a decision.  My in-laws came by briefly tonight.  Always nice to see them even if it was for less then an hour.  We will see them in a week. There are several job postings for MSW.  I can't wait until September so I can start applying....

1) Although it sucks I think I am doing a pretty good job of being a single mom. Okay it really sucks and today was the worst day of all. 2) I am glad to be done working at the hospital for a while although I will be missing the money. 3) I really need to find some motivation.  For two major exams 4) So excited to have Jake in a sport again.  Go Dodgers!!!! 5) My house needs to be cleaned.  Really cleaned. 

Posting because I can.  I am ready for bed but waiting for Lee to get done with the nightly reading of the Hobbit.  I am working all day tomorrow.  My supervisor said I could switch days off but just not this next week.  So starting the week of graduation I will be off Thursdays sort of.  I still have to attend all court hearings and I have to attend meetings. Not sure how to tell somebody who I love dearly I can't do something I really really want to do. I found out today that I no longer have to keep a secret.  I hate doing that.  Now everybody knows. 

That was fun.  I am done.  I have managed to be a single mom for two days.  Yup I am done.  The fun hasn't even started.  Jake's homework isn't done for Monday.  The house is a semi-mess.  Our room is the worst.  Jake starts t-ball in the next few weeks. Daycare went much better today for me and the kids.   Lee is coming home tonight.  He will be home every Thursday night.  That means day care for only three days a week and every other week Jake will be in school all of those days.  I am still going to figure out how the money situation will work out.  I am thinking of setting up another account and just having Lee deposit all of the money into that one and then spend it how he sees fit.  Once the job ends we will just take the money and pay off some bills.  Dream land.  The stress is getting to me.  I can't sleep and I am eating one maybe two meals a day.  The kids have been pretty great...

Truth Tuesday I should be so overwhelmed but I am not.    Lee starts his new job tomorrow.   That job is in Utah.  We found out today he reports tomorrow. Some people have been super supportive.   Some people have not.   It isn't about money.  It is about something better for our lives. In the short term it may not be better.  But I have faith. 

Friday:  What a day.  So I did some retail therapy and now I feel better.  I bought super exciting things.  Toothpaste, vitamins, cleaner and a pair of pant I will probably end up returning because I don't think they will fit right.   Saturday:  We are getting ready to head out for some garage sales and hiking.  Lee isn't up for hiking so he is going to chill at home. Hiking was great.  We followed it up with a bike ride.  Yup we are cool like that.   Sunday:  Church went better then last week.  Victoria had a melt down.  Not sure why but I got a lot of been there done there comments from more experienced parents.  

I have been here before.  As a matter of fact I have been here four times before.  Not sure why this time is so different yet so the same.  It is hard to think that I may have to let go.  I may have to move quicker then I want.  We decided on a month.  But now I am thinking more like six.  Six months should be good.  I will be done with school and my license.  It will be warm and sunny.  Okay it is decided six months.  Pretty sure it won’t happen like I want like I plan.  Funny what a possible move to Utah did.  So not looking forward to several months of a single mom but it will work out.  I found a day care.  I love the day care.  If my kids have to go some where I would choose this place.  It is expensive but I have been in it several times would feel comfortable with my children attending there.  Lee told me today what I already knew.  Still hard to handle.  I spe...

Truth Tuesday Take Three I enjoy it when Lee leaves town for a night. I get to watch what ever I want and I usually get some house cleaning done. There is no way I am going to lose ten pounds this month.  Okay well there is a way but no healthy ways. I love that I have a girly girl.  No I did not make her that way.  She came that way. If I could afford it I would have a house cleaner. I did something that I felt strongly about doing but now I am questioning how this will all ended up.  It is so exhausting. I did five batches of laundry today.  Folded and put away.  Yup I am cool.

Lee is in Utah.  He left after dinner and you would think that could handle a few hours with my sweet children.  But they are on one tonight.  We went for a walk which was mostly good and now we are watching Bizarre Foods.  It seemed to settle them down.  Tomorrow will be busy.  I have a lot to do and I don't know if I have enough time to do it.  Tonight when the kids are in bed I am going do some deep cleaning while I am watching "Waiting for Superman." I have heard good things about it and I have had it almost a month so I figure it is time to send it back to Netfilix. Lee and I have decided to not pay off our debt as quickly as we were.  There are reasons but we have decided that some things need to come ahead of getting rid of debt.  It was funny though.  I thought he was going to be against the idea but instead he was totally in favor of it.  I figure as long as we have no new debt and the amount we do have is going down then...

How come good news always seems to cost money?  For example a vacation costs money.  But one (me) could argue that it is worth it to get away and sit on the beach for a week with family.  Totally refreshing.  Another good news is a wedding.  An announcement of engagement is so exciting (most of the time) yet the wedding/reception could cost a small fortune.  How about babies?  Those little boogers can be costly getting here.  Especially if there are struggles getting pregnant.  Then you have to pay for the next 18 years more if there is college.  However to me all of these things are so worth it.  I love vacations.  I love being married.  I love my kids.  Another thing which has yet to happen is a new job for Lee.  If the job offer is not local it means moving.  Which will cost us money.  But it would be good news.  Especially if it means I can stop working full time. Acceptance to grad school was...

Truth Tuesday #2 I am totally stressing my research class to the point I made myself physically ill. I am struggling with my kids getting older and loving it at the same time. It is really hard for me to admit the truth these days. My daughter was way too spoiled on her birthday. I can only do housework in the morning.  If I wait until the afternoon nothing gets done. I love shopping.  Even window shopping.  Although I rarely have the money to buy very much.  

Our baby is five.  I still remember announcing I was pregnant.  Some people were less then supportive.  Instead of congratulations we got comments such as "Wow, your kids are going to be close together."  Thanks I can do math.  We had another family member tell us the reason he got divorced was because his children were 15 months apart.  Not something you tell a pregnant woman who has a six month old. I just knew I couldn't do it.  I was a bad mom with one. I was just recovering from PPD.  How was I going to have two? Not only that the pregnancy was a struggle.  I was throwing up 4-5 times a day (and I did the whole pregnancy) and wasn't gaining weight like I should have been.  When the ultrasound showed a girl I was so excited. I so remember the week before she was born I was so sick.  Not only was I throwing up still but then I got a cold that I could not get rid of.  Lee and my father in law gave me a blessing.  I star...

April Goals: 1) Victoria's Birthday Weekend 2) Graduation Announcements 3) Clean out Garage 4) Lose ten pounds 5) Licensing Exam 6) Stain the swing set 7) Garden if the snow is off the mountains 8) Get back into the groove of decluttering 9) Get back into the groove of cleaning and laundry 10) Garage sale-that one is a maybe.