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Random Thoughts

I sometimes wonder where to draw the line in this whole blogging thing.  I could make us look like the "perfect" family or I could deal with all of our disappointment and make everybody think that we quite possible have the worse life ever.  Or maybe there is a middle ground somewhere that I have yet to find in this blog. 

Today was a rough day.  Don't get me wrong I am so excited that everybody around me is having babies.  But for some reason today I was caught up in the losses all over again.  I am wondering when it stops.  Maybe it never does.  Maybe it will be a life time of wondering what if I would have gone full term.  Several people have asked when (or if) we are going to have another baby.  I am not sure.  Sometimes that answer is yes and sometimes it is no.  But one thing is for certain it isn't right now.  Really I don't need to have a ton of kids to fill some void.  I love my two kids and if that is all we are ever blessed with then I will feel like the luckiest girl alive. The older they get and the older I get the more content I feel with only having two children.  But the two I lost will forever be a part of me.

I am wondering why talking about miscarriages is such a taboo subject.  Really it happens and there is nothing I could have done to stop it.  One girl at work told me if I ate certain something then I would kill my baby.  Funny that is exactly what happened although I am pretty sure that isn't why. 

I am grateful for the those friends who have suffered multiple losses as well.  It is nice to pick up the phone and to hear her say exactly what I need to hear. 

Comments

  1. AnonymousThursday, February 04, 2010

    Nat, your post inspired me to write some feelings down on our blog that I've been struggling with. I, too, feel like talking about my miscarriages is taboo. People all think they know what you should or shouldn't have done. It's frustrating! And it's hard for me to see everyone around me getting pregnant. So I hope it makes you feel better that you're not the only one going through this. I'm always here if you need to talk. XO

    ReplyDelete
  2. NatalieThursday, February 04, 2010

    Thanks so much Steph.

    ReplyDelete

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