Skip to main content

So many mixed emotions

About a week ago we went to the Meridian open house. I prayed and fasted before I went really hoping that I would get some answers and I would want to go get my temple recommend and go back to the temple.  But it didn't happen.  All the anxiety and emotions came out.  It is an amazing building.  I am thankful I got to go with the kids and Lee but it still isn't a place where I want to be.  Although it is a place I want to want to be.

Then on Saturday Jake had the opportunity to preform at the cultural celebration.  I am sooooo proud of him.  It isn't always easy for him to get up in crowds and he isn't a natural performer but they pulled it off.  The celebration was cheesy but well done and thought out.    There were 6000 kids in all and I think they time and effort they put in was impressive so much hard work for the past two and half months.

Not sure where this leaves me I am so many feelings so many mixed emotions.  I am thankful for a place online where my emotions and feeling can be validated.  I was able to "talk" through it with an online forum and while there are still no good answers st this point I will just keep doing what I am doing and hope with time there is clarity.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Covid 19

Words can not expressed the range of emotions I am feeling at the moment.  One week ago we had it all planned out.  Then Covid happened.  And the whole world was suddenly on hold.  Kids had school Monday but then have been out for ten days and are scheduled to return on the 20th of April.  However most people think that is unlikely.  My heart is breaking for graduating seniors.  We cancelled our trip to Zion which may have happened any way because it was calling for snow.  I hope we will rise from this stronger but right now I feel like curling up in a ball and crying. Lee now has work at home options since we have not been put on "lockdown" at this point although several other areas and cities across the county including a few in Idaho have been. I try and  look for the good.  Healthy kids, good weather, lots of projects we put off being completed.  But some moments it feels like we are missing on so much. We did church at ho...
Post a Comment
Read more

A Little COVID Update

SO what have been up to. Lots of nothing COVID sent me into a huge mess of depression and anxiety that I have slowly been getting through thanks to medication. The medications have made me a much better mom and wife. We spent a week with Lee's family at his family reunion last week. There was so many good fun times but there was also some frustration where Lee and I felt like we were the built in babysitters and people kept just leaving their children with us. I tried to be compassionate but sometimes it is hard. We are thankful for all the great memories we had, older kids got to go to Lagoon with their cousins which was fabulous despite snide comments about how much we make and what we can afford. We are thankful for Lee's brother and family hosting and always for the generosity of Lee's dad and Gina. And Lee's cousin took amazing pictures Jake got his permit and overall isn't such a bad driver just inexperienced. Marching band sort of kind of was cance...
Post a Comment
Read more

Time to dust this off

L:ong story short I came across something that made we want to add back to this. Not sure why but hwere we go. Life is constantly chaning and I feel so mnuch surround bu death lately. Not diredctly although I fee like that is coming but more just heartbreak for so many around me. Yesterday Victoria quailfied for state. It was an answer to a prayer. I prayed she would qualify and felt strongly she would. As we left her away at the meet she was certain as were we that she hadn't qualified and then the clouds parted and she will be able to run. She told me she prayed that she would have a good last high school race. and her last race was not grea. There were tears. And rears when she called me to tell me she qualified. So rad trip to ther side of teh state next weekend Wednesday Jake is going through the temple. So many mixed feelings for so many reasons. I shouldn't expect people to show up but sometimes it is just so hard when my mom is the only "church...
Post a Comment
Read more