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Are we excited?

People love to ask if we are excited about another baby and if we are excited we are having a boy.  Ummmm....Yes is the most political correct answer.  Although truthfully we are not over the moon excited,  I am still a little bitter that four years to the month that we decided we wanted a third baby we are finally getting him.  I am still holding my breath that this pregnancy will go full term. And well Lee doesn't get excited until after the baby is born.  He never has.  And that is fine.  He doesn't need to. 

So although we say yes and smile when people ask.  The truth is we won't be excited until we have a healthy baby in our arms.  Also we really didn't care if it was a boy or a girl. We really didn't  People say things like well you already have one of each so it shouldn't matter.  But it does matter and I can't explain on here right now but the sex of the baby drastically impacts my decision to have or not have another baby.  Although we clearly have no control over that. 

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Here is what we have been up to for the past couple of weekends,  Jake had his first soccer game.  Shawn came to visit.  Lee got a new RC truck that he loves and so do the kids.  They spend the weekend chasing the truck which totally wore them out.  We did some gardening.  Victoria and I went to Weiser to a baptism of one of my previous foster kids.  It was so great to see the family again.  I really miss seeing them on a monthly basis.  We played newspaper tag with Shawn and Demitri. Grandma Gina and Grandpa Don stopped by for a little while on their way home.  Oh yea and the primary had a bug day where the kids dressed up like bugs.  Victoria was a butterfly and Jake was a bee.  I  have four more days left of the semester.  Lee is in Kamiah this week to spend some time with Shawn before basic as well as some other things. 

Time to dust this off

L:ong story short I came across something that made we want to add back to this. Not sure why but hwere we go. Life is constantly chaning and I feel so mnuch surround bu death lately. Not diredctly although I fee like that is coming but more just heartbreak for so many around me. Yesterday Victoria quailfied for state. It was an answer to a prayer. I prayed she would qualify and felt strongly she would. As we left her away at the meet she was certain as were we that she hadn't qualified and then the clouds parted and she will be able to run. She told me she prayed that she would have a good last high school race. and her last race was not grea. There were tears. And rears when she called me to tell me she qualified. So rad trip to ther side of teh state next weekend Wednesday Jake is going through the temple. So many mixed feelings for so many reasons. I shouldn't expect people to show up but sometimes it is just so hard when my mom is the only "church...
When you know somebody is having a hard time in their marriage.  Pull them closer.  Ask to take the kids for a weekend.  Bring them dinner.  Reach out to them.  Ask them how they are doing.   Don't insist on visiting or having them visit you.  Know that their world feels like it is falling apart and it is taking every bit of energy to put on a good face for the kids and to work and run a household.  And it is has to be done while they continue to reside with somebody who they are struggling to have the most basic of conversation with.