The Six of Us

How quickly things can change.  I had the week all planned out.  But something or someone made it all change. Lee left unexpectedly and I hoping he will be back in time for T-Ball tomorrow.  But I am not sure if he will be. The end of the week will be how we planned.  At least I hope so.  In less then four days we will be on our way to Kamiah and Lee will be on his way to Washington for his ten day bike trip. Tonight I am oncall with no husband.  Something I should be use to but I just can't. The kids are struggling to fall asleep and I am working on my exam.  UGGGG....In ten days the paper will all be done and then I will have three days to prepare for the presentation. Despite all the stress life is good.    

Lee and I have an ongoing issue with a family member.  Every time that we get together then something happens that just makes me want to smack them.  After a conversation with another family member last night I was glad to know I was not the only one struggling with this person. I think as long as we adore their spouse and kids then we will make them a part of get togethers but I think those may be more and more limited.  I wish I could go into detail but that is for another time or maybe not at all. 

As soon as I am done with school I am going to make a decision that will change my life. It will seriously change everything about my life.  But I keep having second thoughts about leaving.  What will it do to the kids?  To Lee?  Does it really matter as long as I am doing what is best for me?  If it is best for me then I think I will do it. Doing what is best for me is really best for the whole family.  I am struggling with what to do.  I am sure it will come to me once my mind is clearer.  I know some people will be supportive yet there will be those who will judge and think I should stay.  After all stability is so important.  I really wish things would have turned out differently but they didn't. 

I hate parents.  Despise them.  I hate that they somehow have power over their children.  They make me sick. I need a new job.  I need a change.  I need to get through exams.  I need to then put all the effort I was putting into school into finding a job.  August 5th.  I can do this.  The End.

I spent today planning our summer vacations.  We will be spending a week in Utah.  The reason we started planning this trip was because our niece is being baptized.  But as it turns out we can't make it.  We may be able to make the lunch following.  We will be camping at Bear Lake, going to Lagoon, spending time with a college room mate and my favorite shopping at IKEA.   Looks like Hawaii will be the first week in October.  We will be staying in a hotel which is a new thing for us.  The kids and I are going to Kamiah in a few weeks and then the whole family will be back there in August. I have found a new love for Netflix.  Frontline is super cool stuff.  Now that Lee is home we may go down to just one DVD at a time.

Lee called today and told me that he was done working in Utah.  They have ran out of work.  I am so excited to have him home for good.  We have planned several short trips for the summer.  Lee called and said that his cousin wanted us to go camping with her the first weekend in August.  So we have added that to our things we would like to do. So I postpone school work for tonight and I will do it tomorrow when I can do it on campus.

I am obsessed lately with shows and books about debt and finances.  It is getting a little out of control at this point.  In the past two days I have watched three documentatries on debt.  Pretty much they all said the same thing.  Although Lee and I had different opinions on what they said.  The good news is that in about a week we will no longer owe anything on my bachelor degree, just in time to start witting checks for the Master's Degree. Speaking of checks I just paid a ton of money to sign up to take my licensing exam in August.  I am planning on the 4th. Lee was here an extra day.  Good because we had him around.  Bad because we still had to pay for day care.  I am back to working out and drinking water.  The dates are set for Hawaii and I want to be 30 pounds lighter by then.  So that means that I am going to have focus.  It is nice to not being focusing on getting pregnant but on getting healthy. 

Churched is a book by Matthew Paul Turner.  Matthew writes about growing up in a Fundamentalist Baptist home.  Attending a private Baptist school and having a very isolated bringing up.  I liked this book  I liked that he was so opened.  He spoke about being a normal child in a not so normal home.  Mr. Turner hit some points that I have struggled with.  His openness has made me want to be more open with my struggles.  As Mr. Turner graduates high school he continues to want to relate to Jesus but to do it on his terms.  This book is slow at points but it is an easy read and light heated. 

Today was one of those days I hate my job but love my co-workers.  Two cases blew sky high and it was supervisor and chief who really stepped up and backed their employees.In laws coming tomorrow.  Tomorrow will be a cleaning day. Also it is Jake's first t-ball game that I get to see.  Here is hoping the weather will be nice. 

Only because it is Tuesday 1) People who hate their spouses really perplex me.  Why stay in a relationship and be miserable? 2) I am going to have to do a ton of clean tomorrow before my in-laws get here. 3) I stay up way too late at night.  4) I have issues with the blogs that over and over tell me how cool their family is and there is no reality to it.  Yes we know your family is so perfect and you are so crafty.  Nobody lives like that. 5) I am way way way too emotional.  I need to get it together and quickly. 6) I am getting excited for all the things that are going on.  

Sometimes we get so wrapped in what we want that can not hear the spirit talking to us.  Other times I think that there is a plan that we don't understand because we can't see the big picture we can not see eternity as clearly as God.  There was an experience that happened this week.  I won't share it because well because I won't.  But what I thought was going to happened didn't.  But there was so much inspiration and when it did not turn out that way we planned then I thought maybe our inspiration was wrong.  Now that I have had a few days to clear my head about the whole situation I very much believe that it happened the way it was suppose to.  There were so many tears over this,  It is my hope that through time that lives will rebuild that this won't be the end.   Though Lee and I have had so much criticism over a few things.  Two  stand out right at the moment.  But those two decisions were such blessings when we d...

I am so sad and hurt and angry.  What started out as such a great day ended on such a horrible note.  I feel I was left down by some people I felt should have been supportive.  Although I am not shocked just hurt that they once again made everything about them. Plus work is blowing up.  We have another baby with broken bones and there was a news story that really hit me hard.  Also a foster parent is giving up a dream and I am devastated. So I am watching crap TV and working on comp exams.  Yes you can do both things at the same time.  As I watch 16 and Pregnant I am so glad I made some of the decisions I did.  Not that every one I made was perfect but becoming parents when we did was so perfect for us.  So glad I have tomorrow off.  We have so much to do to get ready for tomorrow night.  Although I still have to go in and go to court.