The Six of Us

1) I want to be back on vacation 2) I love being busy like we are this week.  Dance, T-Ball and Graduation although I think it overwhelms me. 3) I feel as though something is missing but I am not sure what it is. 4) I am so far behind on house work that I think if a co-worker showed up they would declare my kids.  Okay not that bad.  5) I have been the biggest slacker last week for working out and eating right. 6) I need to start comps I need to.  I have totally ran out of time. 

1) I really have amazing co-workers 2) Although I haven't seen a whole Oprah in years this last one made me cry.   3) I may just maybe being a whole huge brat about this weekend. 4)  I am working on June 16th and I am so excited to be back at the hospital and no not just for the money. 5) I am a little worried about tomorrow's appointment.  I am ready to make some very long lasting decisions. 

It has been an emotional few days.  I begrudgingly went to church we haven't been in several weeks.  At the opening song I was ready to walk out. So one of the speakers spoke on hope.  She was so amazing in her talk.  I saw her after the fact and told her how much I appreciated her talk.  One thing she said was that we should never squash our children hope.  Our class went pretty well.  Then Lee went away.  We are hoping he will be able to be home all next week.  We have so much going on my head is spinning about it.  I will blog about it later.  Today somebody I have met sent me a very nice package with a gift card to Amazon.  I am so excited.  It was so thoughtful.  I have felt so much love from the most unexpected people these last few weeks In the past two weeks I have lost ten pounds.  I am thrilled about it.  I still have more to go but I am now more motivated then I have been in a long time....

1.  This whole single mom thing is getting old. 2.  I am finding out who my real friends are. 3.  I am looking at some big changes in my life before the summer is over. 4.  I am super scared about having to start paying student loans. 5.  I hate running.  6.  I am so ready to be done with some people in my life.  But I am not sure how to do it. 7. I am really struggling with my job. 8.  I really truly believe that there is a special place in Hell for people who abuse children. 

A good work out is so good for depression. Not like I am depressed just more in a funk.  Lee got me Zumba for the Wii.  But then I found out I was pregnant so workouts went to the back burner where it has been for the past two years thanks to grad school.  So I just did the Zumba workout tonight and I loved it.  What is even better then me loving it is the kids loved doing it with me.  I just wish I could find the motivation to get up in the morning because when I do work out in the morning it makes my day go so much better.  I am not really worried about what the scale says I just want to be able to fit back into my jeans again.  I am drinking a ton of water too.  Due to the things that I have happened over this past week my body hasn't reacted well.  I won't give the details but I am hoping working out, drinking water and getting the house under control will have an impact on me physically and emotionally.  I have a lot of stress latel...

I am surprised how long recovery is taking.  I thought I would be almost back to my normal by now but  I clearly am not. Lee thinks I am doing just fine.  Something happened yesterday that I thought had already happened. But I think that it was what was causing all the pain,  I had a good cry and now I am feeling much better about everything.  Besides being super tired my emotions seem to be in pretty good check.  Monday and yesterday were the only days I cried and those were more situational then anything.  I know the big struggle will come when Lee leaves on Sunday and somehow I have to keep it together in order to take care of the kids. Lee's friend is in town this weekend which Lee is super excited for.   We keep hoping he can find a local job or at least one that pays well enough we could move out of state.  According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, only about one percent of women will have three consecutive mi...

Not sure why but I am going to write out my story.  Well this is my blog and I can.  Graduation went well and I was so spoiled by family.  After the ceremony we went out to eat at what point my older sister asked my point blank if I was pregnant.  We were less then 48 hours from making the announcement so I decided not to lie and I told her that I was around ten weeks.  Sunday was Mother's Day and we said good bye to Lee just like we do every Sunday night.  I had my concerns regarding the ultra sound on Monday but after two miscarriages it all seemed normal to be concerned.  I met with my doctor first and we discussed my concerns. The doctor measured me and said I was measuring around 10 weeks and that the internal exam looked good.  Then I had the ultra sound.  I could tell the baby was measuring eight weeks and one day but I figured that it was because my calculations were off.  The tech said there was no heart beat and ...

Not sure if I will ever post this, but today I found out that there was no heart beat for the baby inside of me.  Really?  Also it appears the baby stopped growing ten days ago.  I wonder what I was doing at that moment the heart stopped beating.  Also my body isn't smart enough to figure out that the baby has stopped growing so my doctor gave me some meds to speed the process along. Lee and I decided if there was a third miscarriage we were done our two great kids.  This time I feel so at peace with the whole situation.  Except for the horrible physical pain I am doing okay. 

With today being Mother's Day I wanted to write about my children three grandmothers.  Since this is my blog I am going to write about my mom first.  The kids love my mom and she is one of the most generous people I know.  She always makes sure the kids are well fed and have a good time at her house.  She was a good mom when we were growing up.  Dad traveled a ton and mom for the most part stayed at home.  But we always had dance lessons, tennis lessons and she some how found a way for us to get there.  I know how hard that is with the two kids I have. The other Grandmother I would like to talk about is Lee's Step Mother.  She has stepped in to grandmotherhood well.  She loves doing things with the kids like cooking and projects.  She loves the kids. She has become a great friend.  She is such a great house guest and a great hostess.  I can't imagine it was easy for her to jump into a family with six children and all their ch...

This is my rant/complaint for the day.  When somebody tells you they are done having children or that they are postponing children for whatever reason it should not become a debate.  The reasons I gave are our reasons and you can have a million kids if that is what you want.  I am quite content with the two I have.  If we have more great if not then that is great was well.  I felt as though I have to constantly defend why we have done what we have done when in fact it is nobody's business. 

Okay I admitted I am scared to death.  I have to make it through this weekend and then on Monday I have a doctor's appointment.  This appointment good or bad will change the rest of our lives.  Well how we planned the rest of our lives.  The stress is making me nausea and a little grouchy.  It doesn't help being home alone with the kids.  Plus this week is super busy and I am not even talking about graduation.  Jake started T-Ball and did as well as the other kids.  Tori got her ballet  costume and they are so ADORABLE.  They really look like they could be on Broadway.  Anyway life is good. 

1) I watch way too much tv these days.  It is all when the kids the are in bed and I get lonely and depressed. 2) Lee thinks that could be fixed if I went to bed when the kids did.  He is right. 3) I am so excited I am graduating.  4) I HATE the kids being in day care. 5) I got two emails this week which reminded me we have the greatest friends in the world. 6) I need to start comprehensive exams like today. I have about a month. 7) I am so tired of being cold all the time.  I wish I could live in a hot tub. 8) I like blogging.  I wish I could be more honest in these posts.

This book really touched me.  It is about a man who from birth was born with no arms and no legs and went on to do great things.  He is a motivational speaker however he had some dark times in his life.  He went on to graduate college and was truly amazing to me. I saw him on Dateline years ago and he was so genuine and sincere.  I suggest everybody read this book.  It may inspire you to be better then you are. 

I had this whole thing written but decided now was not the time.  Anyway, Lee left and I have so much to do before he comes back.  Such as not lose my sanity.  I am watching the news as they announce that Bin Laden is DEAD!!!  I am not sure how to react.  Wishing Lee was here.  Instead Jake is watching the news with me.  He is a good second option.  He was born after 9-11.  Crazy!  I am waiting for our president to speak.  I will post more later.