The Six of Us

Uggg.... I am totally stressing about something that I don’t even know if I should be stressing about but it has to do with health stuff and even if it is bad we won’t know for several weeks possibly months.  So we will wait.  Something  I don’t do well.  I am thankful for good friends who are able to walk with me and be real. Lee is gone for a few days for a company retreat.  Which means fancy hotel and food and an hour of work stuff 🤣.   I started now spend four hours a week volunteering at the food pantry handing out food boxes.  It feeds my soul and I love it sooo much.  It has been such a blessing.  I also spend a few hours a week at the school helping in the boys classrooms.  Which I love love.  Speaking of classrooms I signed up to start subbing as soon as I get my background check.  It just feels like the right thing.  May not last long.  And it would only be 2-3 days a week. I applied for another job b...

Lee left Friday and will come home on Saturday for his annual bike trip.  And this week has been rough.  Weekend was full off fighting kids way more then normal.  Plus it was the kids’ biggest race of the year.  Yesterday wasn’t awful but I burst into tears several times because I was just so overwhelmed.  There is a fundraiser at school an.d every time I turn around something has come up.  Plus carpool and somebody always needs something.  Both kids have races on Thursday.  Friday is the high school homecoming game and I told the boys we could go forgetting Lee wasn’t home.  Older kids don’t want to go. Saturday I am doing a 10k which I downgraded from the half. Which I am not at all ready for but I am going to do it anyway. I did some cleaning and the house isn’t a totally mess.  But it is a struggle.  We decided pizza one night on Thursday and other then that we have had a home cooked dinner every night.

Yesterday was tough.  I worked four days with one day off and then four days with one off which was yesterday.  The original plan was that I would be off until we return from the beach.  But last minute my boss at BHU asked me to cover two shifts today and tomorrow and then a co-worker at St Al's asked that I cover the last half of her shift tonight.   Last night after going to the park I ended up with a migraine.  I rarely get them but they are usually trigger with dehydration.  Which I am pretty sure is what happened yesterday.  Being overworked and overtired and having some stresses with school starting I wasn't drinking enough.  And my body crashed and burned.  Throwing up and not being able to keep meds down was awful.  Up until two in the morning unable to sleep because of the pain.   Today I got up and went to work.  Lee would have prefered I stayed home but not sure that would have been any better...

Last night I was sitting in Target parking lot  with the realization just how unhealthy a relationship had become. I had done a pretty good job in the past month not reaching out  and needing validation and not trying to help.    But then out of the blue this person text me.  They weren’t real and it all was superficial and really felt like an  I know something you don’t” kind of deal.  . I text my best friend a book about how I needed counseling and how I needed to let go of this toxicity. She agreed  that counseling may help and that I did need to find a way to stop putting more effort into this then the other person.    Then she said by letting go of unhealthy relationships I could make room for new healthy ones.  I felt peace.  Today I was reading an article and a paragraph about always seeking out relationship and needing that validation was super unhealthy .  It went on to say that it was about me trying to prove I ...

Here is the situation.  I was venting to a family member about how I was trying to find some information from a family member and I was totally ignored.  Their response was that I just need to be more flexiable.  I was hurt.  I needed somebody to mourn with me the fact that I needed to make plans.  I needed to book a (not cheap) hotel.  and waiting it made it less likely we could find something reasonabke. 

Several weeks ago I felt strongly we should pray about several things.  One is selling our house the other was offering to help out with child care for a family member.  But things weren't what I originally thought they were in regards to child care.  I still feel strongly that we should be doing child care for this family member but, we are waiting for them to ask for help.  Because in the end I am not entitled to revelation for another person and second it would be sacrifice for us both financially and emotionally.  Much like sometimes we need to pray for things before they are given to us.  But the thought is still there and it is nagging me.  I still feel strongly we should sell the house.  But we are waiting to pay off some debt.  I am decluttering and doing some deep cleaning and then when the time is right we will be where we need to be. At least that is the plan. There is another thought that popped into my mind as we were on vaca...

I believe that church is a place full of such fakeness.  Nobody wants to be that one LDS family who is struggling and doesn't fit in.  Nobody wants to say that their kids are struggling.  Because nobody wants to break that sense that everything is "fine".  Because if don't  we admit that we aren't happy in our marriage or we are disappointed in the gender of our baby.  Or that we are six figures in debt.  Or that we are suffering from infertility.  We just  can continue to be 'fine"  When we start being vulnerable and start saying that we aren't fine then we open ourselves up to people judging us.  But we also open ourselves up to other people offering support and saying.  "Hey I got you girl"  Sometimes life is tough but the people around us are tougher.  If we pick those people who are strong.  However, I think we need to be there on the other side and be strong when others are weak.  This is...