The Six of Us

So here is the story.  Thursday I went to the doctor for a weekly check.  She had concerns.  I had lost almost five pounds and still struggling to breath.  I was a three and she decided to strip my membranes.  We were both hoping I didn't make it through the weekend pregnant. I had my membranes stripped with Andrew and he came 10 days later. So I wasn't considered that if he wasn't ready he would come.  I called my mom and put her on high alert.  Went to work and told them I would finish out the day but that it was my last day before leave.   I was planning on making Friday my last day. My mom showed up at our house around five in the morning and by the time we headed to the hospital it was almost six .  We quickly got a room and I was checked and was a four.  Doctor offered to break my water to help speed things along.  About an hour later I had some pain meds. Several hours later at 12:31 pm little Luke entered the world.  ...

I wrote a whole post then Blogger ate it and then I was bitter and didn't want to write another one.  But here is a recap of what was one of the worst ten day stretch ever.  I knew I was sick.  The kids and Lee got sick but they got over it fairly quickly.  I on the other hand was really struggling.  One Friday night in mid January I went to Olive Garden for a girls night out.  Good food and good company.  I only knew one of the girls but it was great.  I only ate less then half of my dinner which wasn't that big to start with.  Starting that night I struggled to eat and to sleep at night.  By Saturday night I knew I was sicker then I should have been but thought I would just get over it thinking it was a cold/flu thing.  Saturday was Jake's friend party at the Dart Zone and Sunday was "eight is great."  I made it through the party as well as having friends over that night.  Sunday we didn't go to Sacarment Meeting but I...

Lee took the older kids to church and Andrew is napping.  I have been meaning to post for a while but just haven't. Lately I have felt like an outsider.  Not sure if it is me or the situation.  Seems like everything I do somebody thinks is a bad idea.  I have decided to stay silent on some family situations and maybe that is why I feel like I do.  Some of it was just bad timing and some of it I just feel really judged but that could be in part because I am super sensitive.  It is sad to me because I saw things turning out differently. The pain is still there and last night was one of the worst nights.  I can't sleep.  Just another month.  Lee is doing everything he can to help and I know he will be a big help once the baby arrives.  But there are just something he can't fix.

2013 The bad: RSV Sucide Cancer Unreliable family members Dad dying Getting rid of cat Unexpected pregnancy Siatica Huge medical bills 2013 The Good New job Silver wood Family reunion in Kamiah The Beach Dance Recital GT Baseball Grandparents who attend kid sports New Floors Supportive BFF Living close to siblings Bike trip Looking forward to in 2014 New baby New job Raises Dance recital Baseball Peace Happiness Less debt

Today has been painful both emotionally and physically.  My friend told me while she struggled with Siatica when she was pregnant the only thing that helped was walking the floors at night.  Super helpful advice.  Walking does help the pain. When I sit or lay Down the pain comes back.  I am exhausted I only sleep an hour at a time before waking up in pain.  Then I have to pace the floors until I get to the point I can't hardly stand and then the cycle repeats itself.   So  I  so glad  I got some advice on the pain now if I could just sleep.  💤💤

Several times in the last few weeks one of our older children have spent the night somewhere.  Although I am glad they are off enjoying themselves I miss them.  I feel as though our family isn't complete.  Not like I have a bad feeling just a missing feeling. Tonight Lee will be gone for several hours out with his friend and it is the same feeling.  Which I don't usually have when Lee is gone. Maybe I am just feeling lonely in general. Speaking of missing persons Today was my dad's birthday.  More emotional then I thought. More emotional then Christmas.  It was lonely and hard.   And our son who is still waiting to join our family is doing well.  I am ready to be done with pregnancy with constant pain.  I am had some concerns with some stuff that was going to happen after the baby but after texting my BFF and talking to my mom then I think we have a plan.  Although I am not sure how it will turn out in the end.  My mother will...

It is 11 on Christmas night.  What a great day full of family and love.  Kids loved their gifts.  My mother gave us a portion of my dad's life insurance money which she said dad would have wanted us to have which is something I can see him saying.  But my mother was way more generous then she needed to be.  She set aside money for the headstone.  My sister announced she is going to Vegas and getting married.  We all knew about Vegas but now the trip makes more sense.  She picked my fathers birthday as her wedding day which I think is fabulous.   In other news...I didn't feel the loss I thought I would today.  I love and miss my dad everyday.  But I know his life goes on just somewhere different.   50 days left of this pregnancy.  My plan was to induce on the 13th now not so sure that will happen.  I was measuring a week ahead and I think I have decided to push the induction date back a few days. Lee has not voiced an ...