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Overwhelmed

I am at my breaking point right now. Being primary president, HOA president, starting a new full time job and going back to grad school all at the same time may not have been one my better ideas butsome of it I was not planning on. Add to it cross country times two and it is a lot. I have started organizing my time better such as one hour a night for school (more on the weekend if necessary) and then one hour for work. Primary could also use one hour a night but that is not happening. Both have races this week. Both seem to bee struggling with running this year. This isn't their primary sport so maybe it is all okay. But when the kid we car pool with is the best runner it is hard for me. But what I do know is that my kids are just fine and there is always room for improvement. Both can be true. We have a family member who signed divorce papers today. I have thought about it several times and I am still struggling with the trip in May when Lee left for the two weeks between the wedding and the open house and wouldn't even tell me what country he was in. I am kind of over the whole travling all over and then telling me it is too expensive for me to come with. I do beleive that this was the whole reason he was given this flight benifits so he could travel without me. It was to put another wedge in our marriage. Time and time again for years I asked Lee to take me away for just a weekend and he refused. Then he took another international trip with HIS family once again one where spouses were not invited and I was expected to just sit down and keep the peace and get through the last week of school and plan an open house by myself. And now I an expected to just move on and get over it. So many exuxes but never any real apologizes or offers for help. We had to cancel a trip because we had nobody to watch the boys and help out. All while other fanily members watch other people's kids for 2-3 weeks but my kids and likely because of me just aren't worth it. Anyway, the new job should help with me to have more options as I now have health insurance. I started writtig this a few nights ago but never finished. Luke had his race last night and it didn't go well. Dead last and he was struggling. HE stayed home from school today with a fever. Hopefully he can recover quickly and get back to real life. I can feel death coming and when talking to a sibling they said they could feel it as well. It is hard to keep knowing something but not being able to stop it. Once again Lee is leaving me tomorrow and I am left with managing Andrew's meet and Lukes emotions and sickness and Andrew's birthday dinner. It all seems like so much. Tomorrow is a whole new day I suppouse.

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