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Rough Week

My mom was in the hosptial again for five days ands was relaized on Christmas day. It has been a hard week. Once released she hasn't been able to be left alone because she is weak. Today was the worse day since she has been out of the hopsital. We are all tired and exauseted. I will be here for the next two nights. My mind is spinning and I am very whelmed. I feel like a shell of a person. Lee was gone all weekend and yesterday I drove to Burley and got our two nephews. I feel like a horrible aunt not being there. But the real question is do the boys even missed me??? Jake and Victoria move tomorrow. Seems so final. Iw ant to redo Victoria's room. I feel pulled like I need to be here with my mom as she iunsafe and then IU can't be at home cleaning. I thought we were over my mom needing 24/7 care. I don't mind being here she has been there so much for me. It is stressful wondering if she is going to fall and if she does what will that look like. I want to be home sleeping curled up with a book. I am trying to decided if I am going to Eastern Idaho because it is all so much I am having thoughts of the world would be better with out me. I am not sucidal but can I just be done. I feel unloved and like a nobody in some areas of my life. I started this on 12/28 and now on 1/7 I will finish it. Okay things have settled down some. Thanks to my aunt doing research we figured out what was causing my mom to get so sick and with some diet changes she is doing much better. We are no longer staying every night at the house but we are stopping by several times a day between my sister and I. I am pretty sure 2026 will have two major deaths in it this year. Maybe that is just me. Victoria with out prompting told me she thought my mom would die this year. I told her agree. I did go to Eastern Idaho. I didn't want to and I had committed to drive Victoria back on the 1st. It is weird to be in somebody's house who never talks to you and even stranger beiing in somebody's house to celebrate the new year and the house is making you sick so you have to leave. All in all nobody died but it was not the most plesant of experiences.

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