I was discussing the previous cousin weekend and how one of the cousins opted not to come unless a sibling was able to come. That wasn;t an option for us although maybe if we would have had more of a heads up we could have arranged things or rented a car. But we weren;t told until the day of it limited options and the decsions had already been made. Anyway when I was discussing this with a group of people it became an attack on me. Which seems odd. They accused me of singling out only specific cousins which I didn't do. How I could have made it work and invited anoter cousin. With out knowing the whole story these people attacked my intergrity and it was just so strange. I agreed with some of them but it was so odd that only a few amount asked questons and sought for understanding. I can see now how such a small sliver of a story made me be the vilian.
Anyway we are suppouse to leave Saturday for DC. So many mixed emotions It really is a subor of thought. So we will fly Saturday with no clear plan of where we should be . I do have some faith that it will all work out.
There are other things that have been weighing on my mind such as surgery and financial stuff.
I never posted this but now a month later WTH here it is....
I sometimes wonder where to draw the line in this whole blogging thing. I could make us look like the "perfect" family or I could deal with all of our disappointment and make everybody think that we quite possible have the worse life ever. Or maybe there is a middle ground somewhere that I have yet to find in this blog. Today was a rough day. Don't get me wrong I am so excited that everybody around me is having babies. But for some reason today I was caught up in the losses all over again. I am wondering when it stops. Maybe it never does. Maybe it will be a life time of wondering what if I would have gone full term. Several people have asked when (or if) we are going to have another baby. I am not sure. Sometimes that answer is yes and sometimes it is no. But one thing is for certain it isn't right now. Really I don't need to have a ton of kids to fill some void. I love my two kids and if that is all ...
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