This week has been so heavy. I had a client pass away and I never got the closure I needed/wanted. Client was not my typical client. He was different and sassy and I looked forward to seeing him every week. Then we went to a presentation. When I tried to explain how dishonest the presenter was I felt ignored. We are pretty anti MLM anyway but not wanting to know is weird to me.
There are big changes coming and I am not ready for all the changes. Might be good might be a diaster. Time will tell.
Mom's surgery is scheduled in about four weeks. I feel as though she moved it for us. Which is for the best for everybody but still taking on guilt that is not mine to own.
Listening to the news about the LDS church shooting/fire in Michigan has been so triggering. I hate that I feel all the all the feeings. How I can envision the people there and the screaming kids and .....on and on.
I wonder what changes will come to the church now that prophet died. I hope there is some more equality. I hope that women have more voices.
Tomorrow is a new day. I suppouse!
I sometimes wonder where to draw the line in this whole blogging thing. I could make us look like the "perfect" family or I could deal with all of our disappointment and make everybody think that we quite possible have the worse life ever. Or maybe there is a middle ground somewhere that I have yet to find in this blog. Today was a rough day. Don't get me wrong I am so excited that everybody around me is having babies. But for some reason today I was caught up in the losses all over again. I am wondering when it stops. Maybe it never does. Maybe it will be a life time of wondering what if I would have gone full term. Several people have asked when (or if) we are going to have another baby. I am not sure. Sometimes that answer is yes and sometimes it is no. But one thing is for certain it isn't right now. Really I don't need to have a ton of kids to fill some void. I love my two kids and if that is all ...
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