Last night when I was cleaning I came across Lukes medical report from last year. I cried. I know how close we came to losing him that night. I know if he would have died or become severely injuried my life would be drastically different right now for many reasons. I am thankful for his laugh and his energy and his craziness. More and more I see how he just fits and how he completes our family. It has taken a while for me to get to this point and although Some days I wonder what we were thinking I love Duke the Puke.
I sometimes wonder where to draw the line in this whole blogging thing. I could make us look like the "perfect" family or I could deal with all of our disappointment and make everybody think that we quite possible have the worse life ever. Or maybe there is a middle ground somewhere that I have yet to find in this blog. Today was a rough day. Don't get me wrong I am so excited that everybody around me is having babies. But for some reason today I was caught up in the losses all over again. I am wondering when it stops. Maybe it never does. Maybe it will be a life time of wondering what if I would have gone full term. Several people have asked when (or if) we are going to have another baby. I am not sure. Sometimes that answer is yes and sometimes it is no. But one thing is for certain it isn't right now. Really I don't need to have a ton of kids to fill some void. I love my two kids and if that is all ...
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