Coming home yesterday I realized how much I love living in Idaho. The colors of fall were amazing. I love that 30 minutes from where we live we are in the mountains. Then there is the river. The kids had a great time at their grandpa's house four wheeling, running around the property, playing night games. It is so gorgeous up there. Even though I never want to live there it is still a nice place to visit. Despite having one of the lowest wages in the country in has one of the lowest cost of living as well. I feel safe with my kids going to school. It is one of the few places where you can buy a decent home for less then $200k. Is it perfect? No but it is where I call home.
I sometimes wonder where to draw the line in this whole blogging thing. I could make us look like the "perfect" family or I could deal with all of our disappointment and make everybody think that we quite possible have the worse life ever. Or maybe there is a middle ground somewhere that I have yet to find in this blog. Today was a rough day. Don't get me wrong I am so excited that everybody around me is having babies. But for some reason today I was caught up in the losses all over again. I am wondering when it stops. Maybe it never does. Maybe it will be a life time of wondering what if I would have gone full term. Several people have asked when (or if) we are going to have another baby. I am not sure. Sometimes that answer is yes and sometimes it is no. But one thing is for certain it isn't right now. Really I don't need to have a ton of kids to fill some void. I love my two kids and if that is all ...
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