I have been getting on a good night six hours of sleep but it is interrupted on a bad night it is closer to four. Luke has decided sleeping is something that he longer wants to do at night. He goes down fine but then at 2 is awake and then things a few hours of being held is ideal and then he will fall back asleep around 4-430. I have been on the verge of a mental breakdown for the past couple of weeks. There is other reasons for this besides just lack of sleep but that is making it worse. Today after my mom's group both boys crashed at the same time and I got a 2.5 hours nap. It was great. The only reason I finally got out of bed was because I heard "mom" "mom" "mooooom" coming from Andrew's crib. I really could have slept another hour or more. But I will take what I can get and it was fabulous. Naps are great.
I sometimes wonder where to draw the line in this whole blogging thing. I could make us look like the "perfect" family or I could deal with all of our disappointment and make everybody think that we quite possible have the worse life ever. Or maybe there is a middle ground somewhere that I have yet to find in this blog. Today was a rough day. Don't get me wrong I am so excited that everybody around me is having babies. But for some reason today I was caught up in the losses all over again. I am wondering when it stops. Maybe it never does. Maybe it will be a life time of wondering what if I would have gone full term. Several people have asked when (or if) we are going to have another baby. I am not sure. Sometimes that answer is yes and sometimes it is no. But one thing is for certain it isn't right now. Really I don't need to have a ton of kids to fill some void. I love my two kids and if that is all ...
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