Several years ago. About 2 years and eight months ago I texted my best friend to tell her that I was pregnant. I remember I was sitting in a training. It was the fourth time I had told her I was pregnant since Victoria was born. I was scared and I knew she was scared for me. I gave her my due date as around mid August and she said well that would be cool if he came on my birthday. I laughed and said not likely because my other two kids were born ten days and a week early. I went to the doctor and was given the due date of August 17th. August 17th came and went. I was huge it was triple digits. I went to a good friends good bye party on my due date and did dance dance in the hopes of making this little guy show up. He didn't. August 20th came and I had a doctor's appointment. My doctor asked if I wanted to induce. I didn't really but this same friend had tickets to fly in. I wanted her to me the little guy. We set up an induction at 7 am on the 21st. Lee took the kids to my parents for the night and I had contractions. Lee got in the shower and I timed the contractions they were all over the place but Lee insisted we go in. I went in. Still at a four which I had been for nearly two weeks. They suggested I walk around come back in sixty minutes I couldn't walk for more then 30 minutes. When they came back in they found out I was a seven. My only thought was I better be able to get the drugs. I was. :) I slept through most of the labor. I was so tired. Andrew was born at nearly four in the morning and after being up for nearly 24 hours I couldn't keep my eyes open to push. He was the most calm chill baby ever. Right from the get go. He cried for about five seconds after being born and then all eight pounds and three ounces of him just chilled out. I remember asking him what took so long for him to get here. He didn't respond. :)
I sometimes wonder where to draw the line in this whole blogging thing. I could make us look like the "perfect" family or I could deal with all of our disappointment and make everybody think that we quite possible have the worse life ever. Or maybe there is a middle ground somewhere that I have yet to find in this blog. Today was a rough day. Don't get me wrong I am so excited that everybody around me is having babies. But for some reason today I was caught up in the losses all over again. I am wondering when it stops. Maybe it never does. Maybe it will be a life time of wondering what if I would have gone full term. Several people have asked when (or if) we are going to have another baby. I am not sure. Sometimes that answer is yes and sometimes it is no. But one thing is for certain it isn't right now. Really I don't need to have a ton of kids to fill some void. I love my two kids and if that is all ...
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