Today was draining. One of those days where you wish you could just redo them. Our family has been going through a trial which at this time I am going to keep private. It started in July we figured it was going better and now clear that it isn't going better. I am not sure if it ever will. This is in addition to the cancer. We are fighting through it but it appears to be a losing battle and I just don't have the energy to care any more. Yes that makes me a horrible person but I really need to focus energy on good happy things.
I sometimes wonder where to draw the line in this whole blogging thing. I could make us look like the "perfect" family or I could deal with all of our disappointment and make everybody think that we quite possible have the worse life ever. Or maybe there is a middle ground somewhere that I have yet to find in this blog. Today was a rough day. Don't get me wrong I am so excited that everybody around me is having babies. But for some reason today I was caught up in the losses all over again. I am wondering when it stops. Maybe it never does. Maybe it will be a life time of wondering what if I would have gone full term. Several people have asked when (or if) we are going to have another baby. I am not sure. Sometimes that answer is yes and sometimes it is no. But one thing is for certain it isn't right now. Really I don't need to have a ton of kids to fill some void. I love my two kids and if that is all ...
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