I am heading home to my real life. To my life of dance lessons and of soccer momhood. I am going to back to two jobs and an unemployed husband. I am going back. But I want to stay. The weekend was too short. I need to do more to be more to understand more. But at the end I can only do what I can do. To be who I am. It was emotional and refreshing all at the same time. I did something I have never done before and now I want to do all the time. Although I am going to have to wait for a few months. Anyway, my flight is getting ready to board so I will head to the gate.
I sometimes wonder where to draw the line in this whole blogging thing. I could make us look like the "perfect" family or I could deal with all of our disappointment and make everybody think that we quite possible have the worse life ever. Or maybe there is a middle ground somewhere that I have yet to find in this blog. Today was a rough day. Don't get me wrong I am so excited that everybody around me is having babies. But for some reason today I was caught up in the losses all over again. I am wondering when it stops. Maybe it never does. Maybe it will be a life time of wondering what if I would have gone full term. Several people have asked when (or if) we are going to have another baby. I am not sure. Sometimes that answer is yes and sometimes it is no. But one thing is for certain it isn't right now. Really I don't need to have a ton of kids to fill some void. I love my two kids and if that is all ...
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