12 years ago today I met Lee's extended family. It was at wedding. The couple is no longer married which doesn't really matter. For a moment today I stopped and thought about that day. The day when Lee's aunt yelled at me although she never met me before. I thought about the couple who was married and had their whole lives in front of them. I thought about how quickly life can change direction. I thought about meeting Lee's cousin's wife (now ex) and how after that encounter Lee mentioned his family was like the mob. I have pondered that over and over through out the years. It is true in more ways then one. Now that I have been a part of the family for over a decade I realize they are like the mob but once you are in you are in. I have grown to adore the family. I love how fun they are I love how truly generous they are. I love how when push comes to shove I know most of them would be there for me. I never in a million years guessed 12 years from that day this is where I would be. But here I am and I am loving it.
I sometimes wonder where to draw the line in this whole blogging thing. I could make us look like the "perfect" family or I could deal with all of our disappointment and make everybody think that we quite possible have the worse life ever. Or maybe there is a middle ground somewhere that I have yet to find in this blog. Today was a rough day. Don't get me wrong I am so excited that everybody around me is having babies. But for some reason today I was caught up in the losses all over again. I am wondering when it stops. Maybe it never does. Maybe it will be a life time of wondering what if I would have gone full term. Several people have asked when (or if) we are going to have another baby. I am not sure. Sometimes that answer is yes and sometimes it is no. But one thing is for certain it isn't right now. Really I don't need to have a ton of kids to fill some void. I love my two kids and if that is all ...
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