Here is what we have been up to for the past couple of weekends, Jake had his first soccer game. Shawn came to visit. Lee got a new RC truck that he loves and so do the kids. They spend the weekend chasing the truck which totally wore them out. We did some gardening. Victoria and I went to Weiser to a baptism of one of my previous foster kids. It was so great to see the family again. I really miss seeing them on a monthly basis. We played newspaper tag with Shawn and Demitri. Grandma Gina and Grandpa Don stopped by for a little while on their way home. Oh yea and the primary had a bug day where the kids dressed up like bugs. Victoria was a butterfly and Jake was a bee.
I have four more days left of the semester. Lee is in Kamiah this week to spend some time with Shawn before basic as well as some other things.
I sometimes wonder where to draw the line in this whole blogging thing. I could make us look like the "perfect" family or I could deal with all of our disappointment and make everybody think that we quite possible have the worse life ever. Or maybe there is a middle ground somewhere that I have yet to find in this blog. Today was a rough day. Don't get me wrong I am so excited that everybody around me is having babies. But for some reason today I was caught up in the losses all over again. I am wondering when it stops. Maybe it never does. Maybe it will be a life time of wondering what if I would have gone full term. Several people have asked when (or if) we are going to have another baby. I am not sure. Sometimes that answer is yes and sometimes it is no. But one thing is for certain it isn't right now. Really I don't need to have a ton of kids to fill some void. I love my two kids and if that is all ...
Here is how the week went Monday: OUr 25th anniversary. I was sick. We went and tried a Cuban restrant not as good as the food we had in Miami but it was good. We love trying new local places. It ended in tears. I won't go into all the details but I am relaizing that this is not the marriage I want. I am open about what I need and we will go from there. Luke started wrestling. Tuesday: End of the year banquent for Luke and Andrew. Luke recevied the "Most Improved" Awared. Here is the thing about that. His coach talked about how during summer practice he wouldn't even run 100 yeards. He would just stop. At some point after the first meet it clicked and he just ran and did what he needed to do. He went up adn accepted the award with such confidence. Wednesday: Both boys had activities. Andrew had stayed home from school due to not felling wel. My guess is he just needed a rest. He was feeling up for going and making pizzas at the Bishop's hous...
This week has been so heavy. I had a client pass away and I never got the closure I needed/wanted. Client was not my typical client. He was different and sassy and I looked forward to seeing him every week. Then we went to a presentation. When I tried to explain how dishonest the presenter was I felt ignored. We are pretty anti MLM anyway but not wanting to know is weird to me. There are big changes coming and I am not ready for all the changes. Might be good might be a diaster. Time will tell. Mom's surgery is scheduled in about four weeks. I feel as though she moved it for us. Which is for the best for everybody but still taking on guilt that is not mine to own. Listening to the news about the LDS church shooting/fire in Michigan has been so triggering. I hate that I feel all the all the feeings. How I can envision the people there and the screaming kids and .....on and on. I wonder what changes will come to the church now that prophet died. I hope ther...
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