This evening I was talking to Lee telling him I really wanted something. He has been listening to me say I really really want this something for over a year now. As we discussed all the pros and cons about our family getting this thing I really wanted I became aware of the cons that I had not been so aware of before. I think that with so many things we want them but failed to notice all the diffculty that will be caused by bringing it in to your life. Such as a bigger house or a pet or a college degree. All of these things can bring you joy but will also bring a great deal of hard work along with them. For right now I will postpone getting what I really really want and maybe I will never get it, but for now I am okay with that for now I look forward for another day with what I have and not worry about those things I don't.
I sometimes wonder where to draw the line in this whole blogging thing. I could make us look like the "perfect" family or I could deal with all of our disappointment and make everybody think that we quite possible have the worse life ever. Or maybe there is a middle ground somewhere that I have yet to find in this blog. Today was a rough day. Don't get me wrong I am so excited that everybody around me is having babies. But for some reason today I was caught up in the losses all over again. I am wondering when it stops. Maybe it never does. Maybe it will be a life time of wondering what if I would have gone full term. Several people have asked when (or if) we are going to have another baby. I am not sure. Sometimes that answer is yes and sometimes it is no. But one thing is for certain it isn't right now. Really I don't need to have a ton of kids to fill some void. I love my two kids and if that is all ...
so what did you want? You have to tell well not realy but if you want too! U knw there are so many thngs i want! but i don;t need!
ReplyDeleteJenn~
ReplyDeleteI will send you an email.