I hate the fact that somebody else has to take care of kids because I am sick. Not only do I hate being sick but also that somebody else has to take over my job of the kids and the house. Okay well nobody has taken over the house. School is at a stand still and I have no idea what I did at work yesterday. I do know I had court and the judge wants one of the kids adopted by June 3rd before I go back in front of him. But at this point the adoption is up to the foster parents and not up to me. They have some thing they need to do but have to do so we are waiting and waiting. I could have this thing done by now. I did get invited to the baptisim of one of the little girls on my case load. The family is amazing and I think I am going to go. I have to feel better by tomorrow because it is Jakes first soccer game and they have a primary party at 3 where all the kids are going to dress up like bugs. At 4:30 they are going to have a bug parade. The kids are singing on Sunday in church and Victoria needs to find a scipture to read in primary. Oh yea and I have to plan a lesson for Sunday. Plus I have to make a few posts in my online class. I don't feel horrible sick just so tired and my throat hurts. But I ate one thing yesterday afternoon didn't stay down although the toast last night did. I haven't eaten today. Maybe this will be the time where I can lose a few pounds.
I sometimes wonder where to draw the line in this whole blogging thing. I could make us look like the "perfect" family or I could deal with all of our disappointment and make everybody think that we quite possible have the worse life ever. Or maybe there is a middle ground somewhere that I have yet to find in this blog. Today was a rough day. Don't get me wrong I am so excited that everybody around me is having babies. But for some reason today I was caught up in the losses all over again. I am wondering when it stops. Maybe it never does. Maybe it will be a life time of wondering what if I would have gone full term. Several people have asked when (or if) we are going to have another baby. I am not sure. Sometimes that answer is yes and sometimes it is no. But one thing is for certain it isn't right now. Really I don't need to have a ton of kids to fill some void. I love my two kids and if that is all ...
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