Well things never go quite as you planned. We brought Storm home and she never really recovered. We made the decision to have her put down and on Monday on the way to the vet she passed away. My son is now asking questions about if we will ever see her again and if we are reseructed will she be also. We told the kids that Storm was in heaven with the grandmother which I thought they understood, that was until yesterday Jake asked what Grandma was Storm with the one that lived her or the one that lived in the mountains. Then came the explanation that he had another grandma who died before he was born. I have told him this all before and he knows that Grandpa just got married last year. I really think it is the whole concept of heaven he struggles with. He told me he thinks it is the sky and then said maybe it is underground. He seems to take it all in stride but I can't always tell what he understands and what he doesn't. Yesterday when we walked through the door after church he just blurred out "Mommy I miss Storm." To which I teared up and gave him a hug and said "me too." Logic tells me that she was just a cat but she was really part of our crazy family. Not sure we will have another cat in the near future it all depends on where we are in our lives in a few months.
I sometimes wonder where to draw the line in this whole blogging thing. I could make us look like the "perfect" family or I could deal with all of our disappointment and make everybody think that we quite possible have the worse life ever. Or maybe there is a middle ground somewhere that I have yet to find in this blog. Today was a rough day. Don't get me wrong I am so excited that everybody around me is having babies. But for some reason today I was caught up in the losses all over again. I am wondering when it stops. Maybe it never does. Maybe it will be a life time of wondering what if I would have gone full term. Several people have asked when (or if) we are going to have another baby. I am not sure. Sometimes that answer is yes and sometimes it is no. But one thing is for certain it isn't right now. Really I don't need to have a ton of kids to fill some void. I love my two kids and if that is all ...
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